Acid Rainbow
by yellowmile
Summary: AU Things start to become complicated for Clare Edwards as she begins to experience the first stages of love when her childhood best friend returns. How will things unveil when her older sister becomes an obstacle in her love life?
1. Prologue

**New story here. I was inspired by a movie I watched over the weekend and had to write this down. But I assure anyone who reads, I'm going to make this story my own, its just the overall plot that might be similar. If you understand what I mean**.

**My writing in this chapter may not be the best, but I'm writing through the eyes of a six year old. So please understand. **

**I hope you enjoy and review if you like it!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p><strong><span>Acid Rainbow<span>**

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_Prologue_

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_"8, 9, 10! Ready or not here I come."_

_I looked around the backyard and ran towards the big tree in the corner. I pouted when no one was behind the tree and continued looking around. It couldn't be that hard to find them, we played Hide and Seek all the time! I searched through the tool shed next and squealed in delight when I saw Darcy hidden in the far corner._

_"Gotcha!" I giggled as Darcy came out._

_"Yeah, yeah. But you still have to find Eli," she said in her regular upset voice. Its been awhile now since she's changed. She doesn't smile as often or talks to anyone who isn't her 'older' friends. I'm surprised she still plays Hide and Seek with me._

_"Right," I bent down and started to walk across the grass as if I were a spy in one of those movies daddy likes to watch._

_"What are you doing?" Darcy asked in mean voice that made me stop pretending right away._

_"I'm trying to be a spy. Like in those movies," I told her, sad that she ruined my fun._

_"Stop it then, its stupid," she walked over to the other side of the yard and my lips started to tremble._

_Tears slipped down my cheeks but I wiped them away and decided to find Eli. I stomped over to any other place where I thought he would be until I reached the small bush that was hidden in the back. I went down on my knees and pushed the branches away._

_"AHHHHHHHH!"_

_Eli tackled me from the bush and we fell to the ground. I didn't have time to be scared; Eli was already tickling my sides and I couldn't stop laughing._

_"E-Eli p-please…..stop!" I begged and tried to pull away but he jumped off of me and plopped down on the grass beside me._

_"You are so terrible at this game!" Eli laughed, looking up at the sky. The clouds were white and fluffy today and I could make out animal shapes from some of them._

_"I try my best, that counts doesn't it?" I asked._

_"Sure," he bumped shoulders with mine and looked at me with his bright green eyes._

_I really liked his eyes. They were as green as the grass and always shine when we're outside. I never told them though. He would probably call me weird and I didn't want him to think that. He's been my best friend forever and the only one to make me smile when I was upset._

_"You finally found him," Darcy said, walking over to us. "Come on, mom wants us home for dinner."_

_I jumped up from the grass and Darcy grabbed my hand._

_"Bye, Eli!" I waved while she dragged me out of the yard._

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_"Why are they moving mommy?" I asked while laying my head on her lap. She stroked my hair and I started to cry when she told me Eli was going away forever._

_"Eli's father was given a job promotion far away, sweetie. They have to move to be closer to the job," she said it in a quiet voice that made my ears tingle each time. I liked that voice. But I was still upset._

_"Can we move with them?"_

_"I'm afraid not, honey," she laughed and placed a kissed on my cheek. "But you can visit Eli as much as you want before they go. Cece and Bullfrog said it was fine."_

_"Okay."_

_Days went by and I spent everyday at Eli's. I would help him pack and we would play games all day until it was dark and Darcy would pick me up. Eli didn't seem very upset when we talked about him moving._

_"I don't really care," he lifted his shoulders and his dark hair went over his eyes._

_"You don't? Aren't you going to miss it here?"_

_I wanted him to tell me he was going to miss me as I much as I would miss him, but Eli didn't really tell people what they wanted to hear._

_"Not really. Moving is like…another step in my life. You know what I'm saying?" he pushed his hair away as he looked over at me._

_I shook my head._

_He sighed before getting off his bed. "Of course you wouldn't. You're just a kid."_

_He sounded angry when he said those words and I was angry he called me a kid._

_"I'm six and half! You're eight. We aren't that far apart," I pouted, crossing my arms._

_"Whatever," he said, returning to his packing._

_The big day soon arrived and my family and I were outside of Eli's house as their things were going in the moving truck. Mommy and daddy were talking to Cece and Bullfrog and they all looked upset. They were all best friends like Eli and me._

_"You'll like it in Saskatchewan," Darcy stood beside me and she was staring Eli down and giving him a smile. I was shocked she could still give one._

_"Yeah, my parents said I would," Eli scratched the back of his head and he scowled when he looked at me. "Don't cry, Clare."_

_"I can't….you're leaving me," I sniffled. "I thought we were best friends forever."_

_He gave me a hug but quickly let go when I was starting to cry in his shirt._

_"It's all part of the adventure, Clare. Change can be a good thing for both of us," he smiled._

_"I don't like it. I never will," I shook my head._

_"So stubborn," I heard Darcy say._

_"Eli, we're going now!" Cece called._

_Eli punched my shoulder before laughing. _

_"Don't worry too much. You'll be fine," he said before running off towards his parents._

_Mommy and daddy came over to Darcy and me and watched as they got in their car and drove off. Eli was looking out the back window and giving me a wave._

_I waved in return._


	2. Chapter 1: 8 Years Later

**Thank you so much for the reviews! I promise this story will not disappoint, but I would like to make somethings clear:**

**Eli will be two years older then Clare in this fic. Darcy will be three years older, but I'm pretty sure that's canon...  
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**Since its AU, some things will be different, such as appearance, a little personality-wise, but don't worry, it won't be _completely _different.**

**I think that covers everything, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.  
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><p><em>.<br>_

_Chapter 1._

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**_8 years later._  
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"Clare Diane, stop pulling at your dress!"

I looked up at my mom, almost frightened by the scolding she gave. Her lips were set into a thin line and her eyes looked upset as she took my hand(rather forcefully)and pulled me down the church steps. Sunday morning service just ended and I was aching to get out of this dress. I didn't really like wearing puffy ones that made me feel uncomfortable and squirming every few seconds. Mom didn't care about my pleas, neither my dad or Darcy.

"Sorry, mom," I whispered, my eyes looking at my dress shoes.

"Mom, I'm going to Manny's today," Darcy announced before my mom could respond to me.

Mom squinted her eyes in a way that showed she was displeased, and a frown was set firmly on her mouth. "You will not. We have guests coming over tonight for dinner. I'm going to need you and Clare to help set up."

I almost whined in protest. I didn't want to help set up for another set of weird guests. All of them are insignificant and I have no clue where my parents find these people. Well that's not necessarily true; some of the guests are colleagues from my dad's work and youth supervisors from church. I still think they're weird though.

"But mom-"

"Enough Darcy," my dad interrupted sternly. "Get in the car."

We all entered the car in silence and it was something I've grown used to. Mom and dad have been tense for years and not as happy as they used to be. I don't know what it was, but I miss the days when dad took Darcy and I to a baseball game or mom running her fingers through my hair as I sat on her lap.

I guess….things change.

When we arrived home, I almost ran out of the car but slowed down when my parents exited the car. As they opened the door, my legs started to shake with anticipation. I was going to try my hardest to take off this disastrous dress and leave to the park. Alli and I made plans to meet there after church was over. I will more then likely get caught, but I need to see Alli.

Everyone went their separate ways when we went inside and I subtly went inside my room before pulling off the dress and replacing it with a pair of denim shorts and yellow tank top.

"Ah, much better," I said to my reflection, pulling my long, straightened, hair in a pony tail.

I closed the door as quietly as possible before descending down the stairs and leaving the house. Without a second glance, I broke out in a sprint down the street and smiled at the warm, summer breeze that was blowing across my face. The park came into view not long before and Alli was already sitting in our favourite tree.

"Took ya long enough," Alli smirked when she noticed me.

"Sorry, parents took longer this time to get home," I said, grabbing a branch with my hands and pulling myself up. "You know how it is."

Alli nodded in understanding. "I do, which is why, we can talk about. If you want?"

Alli has been my best friend since the day I turned seven. It was in this very park we both laid eyes on each other for the first time. I was having my party here and Alli and her older brother were playing in the sand box. With curiosity getting the best of my seven year old mind, I went over to them and asked of I could join. Sav, Alli's brother, didn't respond in words. However, he did push me in the sand and made me cry, but Alli dumped sand over his head and we both laughed before she helped me up.

We've been inseparable ever since.

"Nah," I shook my head. "Let's not dwell on 'Clare's boring morning'."

"Fine, then let's dwell on the fact that we'll be in high school in less then 2 months!"

I lifted a brow in response to her sudden outburst. She looked alarmed but excited at the same time and I didn't know why. I mean, it was only high school. Sure, Darcy goes on an on about how great the friendship club is, or how great spirit squad is, but the only thing I find mildly appealing is the academics, and gifted program Alli and I were _both _enrolled in.

"What is there to dwell about?" I asked, moving myself to a more comfortable spot on the tree. "It's probably the same as middle school."

Alli let out an abrupt laugh and I stared at her dumbfounded. When she saw my face, I assumed, she stopped laughing right away.

"Clare, everyone knows that high school is 10 times better then middle school," she said in a matter of fact tone. "We have older boys. Mature ones, and more variety for school activities."

I rolled my eyes for Alli's enthusiasm for boys. After kissing Kenny Gerard in fifth grade, she just became _obsessed. _It was a little frightening in a way, but mostly amusing and annoying.

"I don't care about boys," I said. "You've seen Darcy with them. She gets a boyfriend. They break up. She locks herself in her room for days and eats all of our ice cream before repeating the same cycle the week after."

"That's because Darcy hasn't found 'The One' yet," Alli responded confidently.

"'The One'?" I asked in confusion.

Give it to Alli to come up with these weird words to describe something I've never even heard about before.

"Yes, Clare," Alli stressed before staring off in space. "It's when you find that one person….that person that causes your stomach to twist with butterflies and makes you want to throw up."

"Why would someone want that?" I said in disgust.

Alli giggled. "Because, once you have it, you feel like you're on top of the world. Its just like a strong bond the two people share that no one can tear apart because, they know, how much they love each other."

"That's love?"

"Yeah."

"Have you ever had that?"

"No, but when the time is right-" Alli's eyes suddenly widened. "CLARE WATCH OUT!"

Before I cold have time to process anything or respond, a hard blow hit my back, causing the air to escape from my lungs and causing me to scream as I fell out of the tree, even though it was only a few feet above the ground. I coughed up grass and my back was killing me but I managed to get up and see the _object _being the cause of my accident.

"Clare! Are you okay?" Alli asked in a frantic, concerned voice.

I picked up the soccer ball and winced in pain. "Yeah, Alli. I'm fine."

"Ah shit, sorry about that," said the voice of a male in a close distance.

I looked around and saw a dark haired guy walk over to us in all black. I scoffed and threw the ball roughly towards his head. Unfortunately, he caught the ball before it could cause any damage.

"Is throwing balls at people a new trend now?" I snapped, ignoring his apology.

He stopped in front of Alli and I and raised his eyebrows. I took in his bright green eyes that looked eerily familiar but only crossed my arms and narrowed my eyebrows in distaste.

"Are you crazy?" Alli said hysterically. "You could have killed her!"

The boy smirked in a condescending way and tossed the ball in his hands repeatedly. "Jeez, a little melodramatic, aren't we?"

Alli looked like she was about to murder this boy right then and there. Her nostrils were flared and she raised her hand as she was about to say something.

"No, just protective," I interjected, putting my hand in front of Alli to stop her.

"Whatever," he shrugged. "And to answer your question….It was an accident. I honestly didn't mean to throw the ball at you."

"Fine," I sighed. "Apology accepted."

"Unlike you," he said, amused.

"_Jerk_," I snarled before grabbing Alli and pulling her away.

"Who was that guy?" Alli asked angrily.

"I don't know. But I hope to never see his face again."

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Things didn't exactly go well when I arrived home. My parents were very upset with me and on top of that, my mom's _very _detailed eyes noticed the wince in my walk. She demanded to know what happened but I just made an excuse because I didn't want to deal with her parading around town until she found the guy who did this to my back.

"Go and take a hot bath," she demanded.

After I bathed and put on _another _dress(thankfully this one wasn't so puffy)and had Darcy straighten my hair, I went downstairs in the kitchen.

"Your father is outside cooking the BBQ," mom said, chopping up some fruit. "How's your back?"

I tried to stretch and it was still sore. "Still in pain, but the bath helped."

My mom turned to look at me and sighed. "I thought you'd leave your hair down for the guests."

"You know I hate to leave my hair down," I took a seat at the table. "Besides, since when is it important to leave my hair down? How important are these guests?"

She fully turned around and had a huge smile on her face that had me astonished. She hasn't smiled like this in years. "I want to keep it as a surprise, but I think you'll be happy about it."

"Okay….."I said confused.

"Alright then, let's set up the table!"

It took a little under half an hour to fully set the table; mom took out all the good tableware and expensive cups. I was really starting to get curious who these people were. Darcy came from her room shortly after, smiling and bumping shoulders with me.

"You little sneak," she whispered. "You left, didn't you?"

"Yes, but I'm paying for the price right now," I gestured to my back. "Hey, do you know who's coming tonight?"

Darcy shook her head. "Beats me."

"'Cause mom is smiling like a kid on Christmas morning and its kind of scaring me," I admitted, watching her through the kitchen from the living room.

Darcy laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulder. "Don't worry about it, sis. This will probably be a good thing for mom and dad."

Darcy outlived her "I hate the world" stage a few years ago and I was extremely grateful. It was nice to have my big sister to talk to me again. I remembered when she ignored me for a few weeks after starting grade seven. But after that, she went to speaking a few words a day to me, until my parents finally stepped in and put their foot down on her '"holier-then-now" attitude. Things went well after a little talk between Darcy and I.

"I hope you're right," I looked into her brown eyes for reassurance.

She smiled before kissing the top of my head. "I promise."

_**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**_

"They're here, Randall!" mom scurried out of the kitchen faster then a mouse and headed for the door.

Darcy and I exchanged amused looks before following her outside.

A grown man with brown, greasy hair and earrings in both ears hugged my mom. A woman beside him with a funky, blonde hairstyle soon enveloped my mom in her arms as they both laughed and smiled. It was a confusing site because I'm pretty sure I've never seen these people before in my life and mom made it sound like I would be excited to see these people.

"Umm….that's the guests?" I asked Darcy, keeping my eyes on the eccentric couple talking to my mom.

"Oh my God," Darcy muttered and I looked at her. "Cece, Bullfrog!"

I was even more confused when Darcy ran over to them and gave them a hug as big as my mom did. I was about to walk over when a hand enclosed on my shoulder. I looked up and saw my dad smiling in the crowds' direction.

"Do you remember, Clarebear?" he asked quietly.

"No…" I shook my head. "I don't."

"It's okay," he said, toying me to the crowd. "Come on."

My dad was attacked not a second later and I was assuming mom, dad, and Darcy knew these people before today. When the couple feasted their eyes on me, I froze in my spot.

"Oh my, how much she has grown!" Cece smiled.

"Little Clarabelle isn't so little anymore," Bullfrog said gruffly.

"It's Clare," I corrected. "My name is Clare."

I felt a push to my back and I almost howled in pain but my eyes started to water.

"Sorry there, Clare," Bullfrog apologized.

"Oh, wait until Eli sees her," Cece cooed.

The slam of a car door broke my thoughts and, apparently, everyone else's, since we simultaneously looked in the direction of the noise. Now, I may have not remembered the couple standing beside me, but I do remember the idiotic jerk that threw the soccer ball at my back earlier today. He walked over to the crowd, looking a little uncertain and pulled down the head phones, that was covering his ears, down his neck.

"Oh look, Clare," Darcy whispered excitedly. "It's your best friend."

"Excuse me?" I blurted in disbelief.

My mom and dad greeted the guy before his parents managed to pull my parents away and into the house. I crossed my arms in annoyance when he took notice of me and his eyes widened, before a smirk tugged at his lips.

"I'll let you two catch up," Darcy left before I could protest.

"Well, well, well, long time no see, Clare," he said in a knowing voice.

"You knew who I was at the park?" I asked.

"A little, not until now, to be honest," he admitted, scratching the back of his neck.

"_To be honest, _I don't remember you at all. Except from earlier today when you injured my back," I snapped.

His eyebrows scrunched together. "You don't remember?"

I shook my head. "The farthest I remember is when I was 7. The rest is a blur."

"We were friends," he stated. "Since we were born. Our families were pretty close, until we moved."

"Is that so?" I snorted. "Because I don't think I could ever be friends with someone like you."

It was shocking because I could barely remember anything. The only thing I did remember was playing hide and seek all the time, but not exactly clear on who it was with. I was probably happy though.

"Really? It wasn't that way when we were little," he responded pompously. "I remember you used to beg to hang out with me when you were bored."

I scoffed at his arrogance. "I highly doubt that."

"You wouldn't know anyways. You can't remember anything."

Not being able to put up with this guy any further, I stuck my tongue out at him before walking towards the house.

I could've sworn I heard chuckling behind me.


	3. Chapter 2: First Impressions

**Thank you for the sweet reviews. I hope you guys like this next chapter. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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_Chapter 2._

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**_First Impressions._**

"Alright, Clare. How are these?"

I hopped off the chair and looked in the mirror beside the door in the office. I looked the same, I guess. They were only glasses and I'll be able to get used to them in time. I pushed the bridge over my nose to keep them from slipping before turning to my dad and the optometrist.

"They're good, but keep falling down my nose a little."

"Ah, yes," Dr. Rods frowned before slipping them off my eyes. "I'll have them resized and your father here can pick them up. I think they should be ready by tomorrow."

"Thanks, Dr. Rods," my dad shook his hand before we left his office.

"Dad, I don't see how I really need glasses," I said as we walked out of the clinic, on our way to the car. "I can see perfectly fine."

"Sweetie, you know how you were having trouble seeing the board," he argued softly.

"That's because Mrs. Kennedy always placed me in the back!" I frowned, remembering the grudge my 8th grade teacher had for me ever since I corrected a lesson she taught once.

"Not in all of your classes," he tried to convince, a warm smile on his face that won me over every time.

"Fine," I stuck my tongue out and he pulled me into his side, kissing the top of my head.

I really loved my dad. I loved my whole family, but every time I wanted to talk, my instincts always went to him first. Maybe it was because of how he handled things. He always tried to find the light of a situation. Mom was a good person to talk to also, but she gets a little more frustrated when things go haywire. Dad probably balanced out that frustration with his calmness.

"So how did you like dinner last night?" he asked cautiously, eyes on the road but I knew he was waiting for my response.

"It was great!" even I knew my voice was a tad over enthusiastic.

"You don't have to lie to me," he chuckled. "I know that might've been a little startling. I did want to tell you girls before they came, but you know your mother. All about surprises."

It was a little weird at first. The dinner wasn't awkward at all for my parents. Them and The Goldsworthys' seemed to be quite comfortable with each other, as if they were best friend for years. Oh wait, they were. But I still don't know how I was friends with Eli. He stayed quiet throughout the whole dinner, give the few occasional glances he gave to my sister and the annoying smirks he would give me that made my eyes roll.

"Maybe you should tell mom to hold back on the surprises next time," I suggested, a hint of a smile on my face.

He chuckled. "I guess so."

I squirmed in my seat and twiddled with my thumbs, a little nervous on how to approach this topic that has been nagging my conscience since last night.

"Dad… was I really friends with Eli?"

"You two were inseparable," he said knowingly, voice coloured with warmth. "I remember… you used to always go to Eli's house after school, or he would come to ours."

I looked up at him and he was smiling. Am I the only one in the dark here?

"I just don't remember anything," I shook my head as if that would make me remember something.

"You'll remember," he said with confidence. "Just let it come to you."

I held onto that thought but I didn't think I would be remembering anytime soon.

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"Mom, we're home!"

Dad and I entered inside and mom emerged from the kitchen.

"I thought you were getting glasses," my mom accused. "Where are they?"

"They have to get resized. Kept falling down Clare's nose," dad explained before giving my mom a peck on the lips.

Alli's definition of love suddenly went through my mind and I wonder is my parents felt the same way as she described. They have been married for almost 20 years but I'm pretty sure my parents were more experienced on love and had a different perspective then my 14-year-old best friend.

"Clare, honey, Eli is coming over today," my mom said after releasing herself from dad's embrace.

Before I could say anything, Darcy came tumbling down the stairs.

"Mom, dad, I'm going to Mannys'," she announced, not really paying attention to anyone.

"Okay, but be back before dinner," mom instructed. "Oh and don't forget you have community service to do tomorrow."

"Mom," I interjected before I lost my train of thought. "Why is Eli coming over?"

"I have a few things I need to give to Cece that I didn't have time to last night. Besides, you can also hangout with him."

Was my own mother trying to revive my childhood friendship? It sure seemed like it but I hoped it wasn't. Because when my mom wanted something done, she gets it done. No matter how long it takes, things go her way. Whether someone likes it or not.

"Mom I really don't-"

The door opened and there he was. He was giving Darcy that weird look again but she didn't notice since she was already leaving the house.

"See you later guys," she said. "Hey, Eli."

He came inside the house and looked a little awkward. I couldn't help but narrow my eyes at the sight of him. I did not want to spend my day like this.

"Well I'm going to go to my room," I started to walk away when mom stopped me.

"Don't be silly, Clare," she gave me a warning look. "We have a guest over."

I grimaced and looked at dad for help but he only gave a pointed look. I was helpless.

"I don't mind, Mrs. Edwards," Eli softly spoken up and I almost didn't recognize his voice.

Of course he'd sound polite in front of my parents.

"Nonsense, Clare would be delighted to help, and I told you Eli. Call me Helen," she insisted.

I was a little shocked she was allowing him to call her by her name but was more annoyed at the fact I had to unwillingly hang out with Eli Goldsworthy for the day. I could be spending my time a little more valuable at the moment, like reading a book.

"I'll be right back," she said. "You two stay here."

Mom left upstairs while dad went outside. Probably going to the tool shed. He spent most of his time out there. Especially in the summer.

I sighed and took a seat on the couch, crossing my arms.

"So… I see you're still the same," Eli observed and I looked at him in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Feel annoyed and upset when you don't get what you want," he stated nonchalantly.

My mouth dropped. "Excuse me?"

"It's true. Even when we were kids. Every time you wanted something or wanted to _do _something, you would always go silent and put on a pouting face. Have to admit, didn't think you still did it."

"You don't know anything about me," I deadpanned. "So don't act like you do based on fuzzy memories."

"They aren't fuzzy to me. And I know you better then anyone. You know me better then anyone too, you just don't remember," he sat down beside me and I scooted as far away as I could.

"Oh yeah," I challenged. "Tell me something then. Name one time I was acting like this when we were younger."

He looked thoughtful for a moment and I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.

"There was that time when you wanted to go to the circus with me," he smirked at the air, as if remembering the memory clearly. "Your mom thought it was too dangerous so you stayed in your room for the rest of the day."

"I… I don't remember," I said quietly.

I felt a little heavy with not remembering anything. It wasn't fair; being in the dark when everyone else around me knew everything.

"Don't worry about it," he said, suddenly in a different voice. "We had our good times but childhood friendships don't last."

"Are you implying if you never moved, we wouldn't be friends at the moment either?" I spared him a look, suddenly feeling nervous for his answer.

"Probably not. You'd realize how much of a dope I am," he chuckled.

"Kind of already do," I teased, smiling when he gasped.

"Ouch, lady. That hurt me right here," he placed his hand over his heart.

"I'll say one thing though. Even though all first impressions of you have been annoying _so far_, I don't think I have the right to judge you when I hardly know you… Well, you know what I mean."

"I do," he nodded. "And thanks. Coming from you, I'm glad."

He smirked and I smiled.

"Okay kids, I need help!" mom hollered as she came down the stairs, making me jump from my spot. Her face lit up when she saw us. "I'm not interrupting anything, are I?"

My face turned scarlet. "_Mom!"_

She gave me an apologetic smile before leaving up the stairs again with Eli following.

"Great. Fun day ahead." I groaned before following.


	4. Chapter 3: Lost Memories

**Thank you for the reviews! Even though I didn't think last chapter was that good, haha. But, I think this chapter is a little better and I hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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_Chapter 3._

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**_Lost Memories._**

_I was on a field. The grass felt soft under my bare feet and a light breeze was in the air. My hair ruffled and the dress I was wearing blew with the wind. I walked around, wondering why exactly I was here._

"_I'm going to get you!" _

_A young male voice echoed through the air and sounded a little familiar but I couldn't see where he was. I looked around but no one was there._

"_Eli, stop it!"_

_It was a little girls voice that giggled. She sounded familiar also… a little too familiar. In fact she sounded just like…._

_I stood frozen when a little girl with auburn hair and pale skin, and a dress that was the exact same as mine, run through the field. _

…_Me._

_She didn't see me, or just ignored me, as she ran and laughed while looking behind her shoulder. I looked in her direction and saw a little boy with dark hair and bright green eyes chasing after her - me. It was Eli. Young Eli and young me… I stood in amazement as the two children laughed and screamed as they played tag._

_Was this how Eli and I were? Was this real? No, it can't be. It was only a dream, right? "Little" Eli finally caught up to "little" me and they fell to the grass, rolling around in a heap of limbs. My feet moved over to them and I broke out into a run. They stopped when they saw me get close to them._

_The girl stood up and stared at me with wide, identical, blue eyes. The boy followed and stared at me with, equal, amazement._

"_Do you remember, Clare?" she asked but it wasn't a little voice anymore, it was my 14-year-old voice talking to me. I almost jumped, chills running down my spine as the smaller version of me looked me straight in the eyes._

"_Remember, Clare," she whispered but suddenly sounded so far away. "Remember…"_

I gasped and felt a harsh bang on my head when I plummeted to the floor. I picked myself up, groaning in pain, and walked over to my window.

"Morning already," I sighed.

The dream still fresh on my mind made my stomach twist violently. The picture on my dresser made me think that was why I had the dream. When mom, Eli and I were going through some old stuff, mom found a picture of Eli and I when we were young. It was a simple picture; both of us with toothy grins and arms around each others shoulders. Eli said he remembered that day but it drew a blank for me. I picked up the picture and realized we were wearing the same clothes that were worn in my dream.

Ugh, what is going on?

I went downstairs and mom was already making breakfast while Darcy was seated at the table, sipping on orange juice.

"Good morning, Clare," mom greeted cheerfully, flipping some pancakes in a pan.

"Hey," I yawned.

"You look like a truck ran you over," Darcy commented, giving me a pointed look.

I scoffed. "Good morning to you too, Darce."

"Sorry, but did you get any sleep last night?"

"Uhh… yeah, just a bad dream," I dismissed.

"Clare, do you have any plans today?" mom asked in a voice that had me suspicious.

"Well, I didn't get to hang out with Alli yesterday because _someone _had come over," I narrowed my eyes to emphasize I was not happy at what she did yesterday.

Mom looked nervous. "You spend a lot of time with Alli. I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you spent time with someone else…"

"Mom again?" I whined in disbelief. She wanted me to hang out with Eli, again? _Again? _Yesterday was already weird at its finest and slightly uncomfortable on my part and I wouldn't want to go through that again.

"We just think it would be good for you and Eli to be friends again," mom half-smiled and I crossed my arms.

"_We?_" I said harshly. "And how do you have the right to decide this?"

Mom looked affronted by my outburst and Darcy scowled.

"Clare, you're making this more then it is. Besides, what's so wrong with Eli? You _were _best friends with him."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" I said, frustrated as I jumped out of my seat. "I don't remember anything! And it's a little annoying that everyone seems to know everything that happened except for me!"

Mom and Darcy looked stunned and I couldn't believe how upset I was getting over this. But it was so frustrating! I just want to remember and maybe this whole thing with Eli wouldn't feel so weird.

"It might seem hard to understand at the moment but this could be good for you," mom encouraged before walking over to me and pulling me in a hug. "Just trust me on this, okay?"

"Okay," I said begrudgingly, not wanting to disappoint her.

"Thank you," she kissed my forehead. "You wont regret it, I promise."

"Mom, Manny invited me to go to her cottage for a week. Can I go?" Darcy asked.

"This is such short notice," my mom said "Why didn't you tell me before?"

"I'm telling you now," Darcy responded, placing her glass in the sink. "So what do you say?"

"Let me speak to your father and I'll let you know," mom said before turning to me. "Now, you better go get dressed and I'll have breakfast made. Your father should be back soon with your new glasses. And you'll be going to Eli's house as soon as possible."

"_Great_."

.

.

I knocked on the door and waited. Even if I was doing this for my mom, Darcy and the whole freaking world, it was still an unappealing idea to me.

"Clare! How are you?"

Cece was the one whom opened the door and didn't waste a second before pulling me into a hug. It was awkward for me but I hugged her back slowly before quickly releasing. Their house was still full of boxes and wrapped up furniture so it felt a little crowded but if Eli and I were going to spend the day together, we weren't staying inside.

"I'm fine, thank you," I said politely. "How's the unpacking going?"

Cece looked confused before recognition displayed on her face.

"Oh! Well, things are hectic but it's good to be back," she smiled.

Eli came tumbling down the stairs, clad in black. I wondered if black was all he wore. He looked bored and just as uncomfortable as I was when he stood beside me.

"Hey," he said and I nodded in return.

"Don't worry you two, the awkwardness will stray away in no time!" Cece chimed happily.

I forced a laugh. "We're going out. I like to spend my days outside."

"Luck for you…" Eli walked over to a box and picked up a soccer ball. "I like the outdoors also."

I still felt a little bitter about the soccer ball incident but simply agreed with him before saying goodbye to Cece and leaving the house.

"You have glasses," Eli blurted as we walked down the sidewalk.

"Yeah, I just got them this morning actually," I said. "You have a problem with that?"

He smirked. "Not at all."

"Okay, so I'm going to be honest," I started, taking in a deep breath. "I really don't want to be here. Frankly, I find this situation to be a little ridiculous and I don't think we'll magically become friends again."

"I don't expect that either," he said, glancing at me. "But my mom and dad keep bugging me about it and we did have some good times as kids."

"Did we?" I asked helplessly. "Did we, really?"

"Yeah," he said in a serious tone that slightly made me feel better. "Where exactly did you want to go?"

"Park," I answered and suddenly felt a spurt of energy go through me. "Race you there!"

I ran as fast as I could, adrenaline starting to pump through my veins. Alli and I always had races. It was something that always made me feel alive and right now, I needed it. I didn't expect Eli to run too, but when I saw his figure running up beside me - while holding his soccer ball - I couldn't help but be impressed.

I was out of breath by the time we reached the jungle gym, but it was worth it.

"That felt awesome," Eli said, passing around his ball.

"Yeah," I agreed, before putting my hands on the monkey bars and looping my legs through them. I let my hands go and held onto my glasses as I went upside down.

"You used to be afraid of the monkey bars," he said, walking over to me. "I can hold your glasses, if you want."

"Thanks," I said, giving them to him. "I faced my fear a few years ago and voila - monkeys bars fanatic now."

The blood started to rush through my head so I pushed my upper body up and took a seat on top of the bars.

"I guess a lot of things have changed," Eli said, kicking the soccer ball back and forth. "How long has it been? Six years?"

"Mom told me 8," I corrected, swinging my legs. "So, mom said you moved to Saskatchewan. How was that?"

"It was okay… It was different then Toronto but I grown to love it," he shrugged. "I guess it's all part of the adventure."

"_It's all part of the adventure, Clare."_

I blinked in surprise at the familiar but vague words. Shaking my head, I jumped off the monkey bars and felt dizzy for a couple of seconds before regaining my balance.

"I see you like soccer…" I drawled and kicked the ball away from him. He looked up in alarm and I smirked. "Let's see how good you are."

I laughed, running away with the ball as I heard him come after me.

Maybe this won't be so bad after all.


	5. Chapter 4: First Stage Butterflies

**Thank you for your repsones! I'm really sorry for the late update but it's so hard to find time to write. However, here's a new chapter!**

**Important note: Remember Clare is 14 and has never experienced any romantic feelings for someone whatsoever, so don't seem surprised how she starts to feel towards Eli. Also, I'm not the type of person to rush relationships in stories but I hope you guys understand feelings and attraction can quickly take toll. That's all I wanted to share. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Chapter 4._

_._

_**First Stage Butterflies.**_

"I'm glad you were able to find some free time to hang out with me."

I guiltily looked at Alli whom was giving me a pointed look, her sarcasm evident in her statement. I guess hanging out with Eli was very time consuming.

"Sorry about that. Mom made me start to hang out with Eli last week," I gave her an apologetic smile.

She pursed her lips. "You mean that guy who kicked the soccer ball at you? The one who used to be your friend?"

"Yeah," I nodded. "Mom practically begged me to become friends with him again and I thought it wasn't going to work - but he's pretty cool."

A week spent of going to the park can really make a friendship reconnect. I wouldn't say Eli and I were best friends but I did enjoy his company. I did feel bad for blowing off Alli though; phone calls every night just don't cut it for her or me. So I decided for us to go to the mall - her favourite place.

"And what? You're in looooove with him now?" she teased, giving me a pronounced smirk.

I was pretty sure I wasn't in love with Eli. I didn't get that nauseating feeling - as Alli described - or the butterflies twisting in my stomach. Nope. Definitely not in love with Eli.

"Don't be ridiculous," I said, bumping her shoulder.

"Okay, but I'm just making sure," she shrugged innocently. "Because once you do, everything changes."

"You make it sound like it's this earth-shattering thing," I observed. "As if it will change my life."

"That's because it _will_," she stressed before turning her attention to a store. "Okay, we are _so_ going in here."

She yanked me inside a store full of pink - her favourite colour - and went wild. She dragged me through the aisles and basically picked up _anything _she could find. As much as I love Alli, I'll always hate malls. It's a waste of time compared to other things that one could spend time on.

"Aren't you going a little fast?" I questioned as she pulled us farther in the store, faster then bees.

"Does this hat look cute?" she stopped abruptly, placing it over head and looking over to me.

"It's… nice," I said. "But not really you."

She sighed before putting it down and returning back to her "shopping."

"I should probably tell you, I have another family BBQ tonight and I can't stay out too long," I said.

"Really?" she whined.

"Yeah, my parents are inviting the Goldsworthy's over also. They probably still want to catch up with one another."

"Spending more time with Mr. Goldsworthy I see, are you excited?" she asked, a hint of a smile on her face.

I shrugged. "I guess you can say that. Darcy's supposed to be coming home today from Manny's so that's something to look forward to. But I don't know… I'm still trying to remember things from before."

I've been having those dreams again from before. They aren't exactly the same each time but every one links back to me remembering my friendship with Eli. I'm still in the dark when it comes to memory but I know one day I'll remember.

"You will eventually," Alli said with confidence. "I _guarantee _it."

"I guess we'll see," I sighed.

"Wait," she grabbed my arm, her eyes wide. "What are you wearing tonight?"

"Probably shorts and a t-shirt," I responded.

Alli's eyes grew wider and her lips curled in an unappealing manner. Her nails dug in my arm and I almost had to pry her hand away.

"_No you aren't_," she said in a demanding and low voice, giving no room for negotiation.

I knew Alli was obsessed with clothes more then I was and I didn't necessarily have a problem with that. But her idea of clothing was something _completely _different to what I would wear.

"Alli, do I have to?" I pouted, giving her the puppy dog eyes.

Alli blinked, a monotone expression that clearly stated she wasn't falling for my act. My eyes closed and I let put a breath of defeat before nodding. She squealed and pulled me away into the sea of stores.

This isn't going to be fun.

.

.

Alli and I entered inside the house, shopping bags in each one of our hands. Shopping took longer then I hoped for and the BBQ was going to start in less then a couple of hours.

"Mom, I'm home!" I hollered from the foot of the stairs. "Alli's here too. She's going to help me get ready for the barbeque!"

"Alright sweetie, hi, Alli!," mom greeted from the kitchen.

Alli mumbled back a hello before making a beeline for my room. I climbed up the steps after her and gasped when she pushed me on the bed. I looked at her strangely as she went through her purse and pulled out a makeup kit that was full of her "accessories."

"Umm - I don't want to wear makeup," I said, slamming the brakes on her control. "I don't see the point - I wear glasses."

Alli gave me an incredulous look. "So? That doesn't mean anything. Just let me work my magic."

"I know what you're capable of but that doesn't mean it will look nice on me," I said stubbornly, watching her dance around while getting her things set up.

"Clare, you're a pretty girl. You just need to express yourself more," she said, giving me a knowing look. "You always look the same. Hair up. Shorts and Tees. Nothing different."

"I'm not a huge fan of change," I argued.

"Tough turtles," she huffed. "Its something we _all _have to deal with."

She hopped on the bed behind me and started to pull out my hair tie. My hair was naturally curly and Darcy usually straightened it for me but since Darcy wasn't here, I just left it like this. Even when my hair was straight, I always did leave it up but it was easier to work with.

Alli straightened my hair in an impressive speed and then started to work on my makeup. I swear, it felt like I was seated for more then an hour before I was able to get up. When I tried on the dress, I was starting to doubt this whole idea.

"Alli, I'm not so sure this is a good…" I trailed off as I entered the room, stunned by Alli's expression.

Her hands were cupped over her mouth and her eyes were the size of saucers. _Is that a good thing?_ She silently brought me in front of my mirror and I couldn't believe the sight. The dress fit me perfectly and my hair was let down in a nice, simple way(Alli must've kept it that way for my benefit). I was so grateful she didn't use that much makeup on me as she did for herself. All in all though - I looked nice.

"What were you saying, Clare?" Alli smiled, knowing I forgot what I was about to say.

I gently smiled and we went downstairs in the kitchen, my mom's jaw dropping when she laid her eyes on me.

"You look so amazing," she said happily. "You did a good job there, Alli."

"Thank you, Mrs. Edwards," Alli smiled wide at the compliment.

"Mom, I've been meaning to ask you this - why are we having another BBQ just when we had one a week ago?"

"Cece and I want our families to become close again," she responded simply. "It'll probably be a weekly thing for all of us to get together."

I nodded. "Is Darce home yet?"

"She's staying at Manny's for another week," mom said sadly. "She told me to say hi to you."

Mom fixed up the dished full of food before wrapping them in tin foil. _Why is she doing that? _

"Aren't we having the BBQ here?" I asked.

Mom shook her head. "Cece just got a brand new barbeque. She insisted we went there. In fact - I think it's time we head over there.

I thanked Alli and gave her a hug before she left. Dad came in from outside and helped mom with one of the bowls. I took a few small ones and we loaded up the car. I didn't know why, but as soon as we pulled up to the house, I started to feel nervous and anxious.

Another round of long hugs and kisses took a total of ten minutes before we were welcomed inside the house.

"Eli should be down any minute, Clare."

As soon as Cece was finished saying the words, Eli came mounting down the stairs. When I saw him, I felt my stomach flutter a little and I held my stomach in slight shock. But what really shocked - or confused - me was the look Eli gave me. It looked very similar to the one he gave Darcy a week ago and it made me want to know what it meant.

However, I knew _that _wasn't going to happen.

.

.

"The stars are out."

Eli looked up to the sky and genuinely smirked. It was hours before dinner ended but my parents and Eli's parents started talking and just couldn't stop. So Eli and I slipped out into the backyard and decided to lay on the grass. My dress was probably dirty and Alli would _kill _me but I didn't really care.

The night was beautiful tonight.

"What's your wish?" he asked softly.

_To remember everything between us._

"If I say it out loud it won't come true."

We both laughed.

"We used to hang out together in my backyard a lot," he said thoughtfully.

I turned on my side to look at him. "Really?"

"We would play hide and seek," he smirked, also turning on his side to look at me.

I tried to remember and a fuzzy image did appear. Darcy. Eli. Me. That's all I have so far.

"I could imagine how fun that was," I smiled.

"It was," he agreed. "I would usually hide. And as soon as you found me… I would do this-!"

I didn't have time to process anything; Eli came pouncing on my like a tiger as he attacked my sides and started to tickle them mercilessly. He must've remembered my sides were my weakness because I couldn't breathe and my face was probably as red as a tomato.

"OKAY! OKAY! YOU CAN… STOP… NOW," I said between giggles and breaths.

Eli finally did stop and I let out long breaths, my chest heaving up and down slowly. I was going to get up but realized Eli was still on top of me. I looked into his eyes and suddenly felt a huger flutter then before ripple through my stomach. His eyes were so green. A pretty one that I just had to comment on.

"Your eyes are the perfect shade of green," I blurted.

His eyebrows pinned together before a chuckle escaped his lips, vibrating through his body and mine.

"So that's why you gave me those looks," he said, recalling a memory.

"What do you mean?"

"When we were younger you would always stare straight into my eyes and gave me this look that told me you wanted to say something," he said. "But you'd runaway every time."

_How humiliating. _I covered my face with my hands and groaned. I know I was a little kid but _still_, Eli still remembered and probably thought I was weird now.

"Well this is embarrassing," I mumbled.

Eli finally got off me and I felt small disappointment. I sat up and fixed my dress, still looking away in humiliation.

"You have something in your hair."

I felt his fingers softly pull something from my hair before tucking a piece behind my ear. I looked back at him and shivered from the touch of his skin on mine.

"You may like my eyes… but _you _have the prettiest ones I've ever seen," he said it in a tone that sounded serious but felt like something entirely different the same time.

"Thanks," I blushed.

He smiled. "We should probably head back inside."

He pulled me up to my feet and I watched him go inside the house, letting out a small sigh.

The fluttering was still there.


	6. Chapter 5: Heartbreaking Outcome

**Hello! Thank you for the amazing repsonses and I'm sorry for updating really late. I don't think I'll be able to update again very soon but I'll try my best. Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

* * *

><p>.<p>

_Chapter 5._

_._

_**Heartbreaking Outcome.**_

"Knock, knock, can I come in?"

I smiled and nodded eagerly, happy that Darcy was finally home. She closed the door and tiptoed over to my bed, making sure not to wake up mom and dad since it was after 12. I had so much to discuss with her. Well, not _that much_ but there were a few things. For instance, I don't know what's happening to me with Eli. Things are still the same I guess one could say but every time he's in my presence those same butterflies ripple through my stomach and causing me to feel self conscious.

"Can you brush my hair?" I asked, crossing my legs as I seated on the middle of the bed. I always liked when she brushed my hair. That was usually when we would have our sisterly chats.

"Your hair is getting so long," Darcy observed in awe, stroking the brush through my hair as she rested herself behind me. "Now tell me, is there something you want to talk about?"

I wanted to ask her so many questions. She had this type of experience before so I was sure she could tell me exactly what was going on, but I don't know if I should ask. What if she gives me the same explanation Alli did? _I'm pretty sure Alli explains things more dramatic on purpose, Clare._ Yeah, that was probably right but I was still scared to ask. So I asked her the first question that popped in my mind.

"What's it like to kiss a boy?"

Darcy chuckled. "Since when are you interested in boys?"

"I'm not," I quickly defended, but I sounded more hostile then just plain disagreeing. "I just want to know what's so great about them."

"There really isn't anything special," she responded. "Most of them are jerks but there are some that are worth it. And kissing is not the most important part in a relationship, Clare."

"It isn't?" I asked in disbelief, thoroughly remembering how Alli always blabbed about how nice it was. So I kind of had a fair idea of what it was like, but I was pretty sure Darcy and Alli's kisses differed very much.

"Of course not," Darcy said in a voice as if that was a ridiculous philosophy. I personally thought it was ridiculous too but what do I know? "Relationships are about honesty, trust, just being able to talk to the person."

"So like… a friend?" I was becoming so confused. If having a boyfriend was just like having a friend, then why does everyone make such a big deal about it? And why is that you can only have one? If you're just friends, I'm sure you can have more then one.

"Yes, but its much more then that. You feel things that you wouldn't feel with an ordinary friend."

"Like what?"

"Well, first off you get these butterflies in your stomach." I felt my stomach drop. "And you just want to talk to him all the time or just see him because he's always on your mind…"

I tuned her out after that. Eli's on my mind a lot but mostly because of the dreams I've been having of us as children. But there _were _butterflies. I didn't necessarily get that nausea feeling Alli described but I did like talking to Eli.

"What does that mean then?" I interrupted when a new thought occurred. "Do you just leap right in and kiss the guy?"

"No, no, no, I'll show you." She turned me around and took my face in her hands. "If _you_ want to kiss _him_, lean in, close your eyes and lightly open your mouth-"

"Uh, uh." I pulled away from her hands, shaking my head stubbornly. "I am not opening my mouth for a boy. That's nasty. How can girls even consider that?"

"It's not gross if the guy is a good kisser," she shrugged. "Plus you're with someone you care about and sharing that moment should be something special."

My eyes caught onto my purity ring and I twisted the band frigidly. I remember when dad gave me the ring three years ago and I was so excited about it. Mom told me the night I give up my ring will be very special. Maybe sharing a first kiss was just as special.

"How long does it usually take for you to like someone?" I know my questions probably seemed absurd to an outsiders point of view but I needed answers. I had no idea about love.

"It all depends," she said sweetly. "But I do advise you to know the boy fairly well before any physical stuff takes place."

"Darcy!" I gasped, slapping her on the arm.

"So who is it?" she asked deviously. "Eli?"

"_No_." I didn't look at her when I was answering and my face was as red as a tomato but I didn't crack a smile. "We're friends. What about you? See any cute guys when you were with Manny?"

She sighed and fell back on my bed. "Nothing. I wasn't really looking though since it's my last year at Degrassi and I should probably focus more on school."

"I'm proud of you," I smiled, laying down beside her. "You want to sleep in here tonight?"

"Sure." She pulled the covers over us and I turned off the lamp.

"Goodnight, Darce."

"Sweet dreams, Clare."

.

.

"You seem out of it today. Are you okay?"

"Hmm?" I fixated my attention on Eli whom was kicking the soccer ball back and forth and looking at me with a concerned face. "Yeah, I'm fine. Just thinking."

Thinking about a lot of things actually. My dream last night was very peculiar then the rest and I told mom about it but she only dismissed it with my subconscious. I think there's more to it though. I feel like her and dad are hiding something from me. If it's how I magically can't remember my memory for the first six years of my life then I need the truth. And I didn't forget my nagging feelings towards Eli. It was obvious I held some sort of affection towards him but I didn't know how to make it clear. Unless it was clear and Eli felt the same way. He does give me those 'looks' that Alli described and does come into physical contact with me a lot. Whether he tickles, high-fives, or just accidentally brushing up against me.

"You look a little tired, too," he noted, kicking the ball in the air before hitting it with his knee. "Did you sleep late?"

_Yes. And it was all because of _you.

"I don't remember too well," I shrugged nonchalantly, taking in his appearance. Observing him now with my new senses on males, he was very cute. And of course, his eyes were my favourite trait. I just loved how they were so green and so alluring. They seemed powerful also. Every look he gives with them gives off an entirely different emotion. Emotions that I can't even define myself.

"Do you want to go home? I understand if you're too tired," he said sincerely and the butterflies went berserk, the feeling becoming overwhelming and it seemed to be turning into something else. It was escalating up my system and I was getting-

_NO. NO. NO._

"It's fine," I laughed, a little too high for my liking because of something that was happening that I didn't want to. "Let's just forget about it."

I kicked the ball away from him and started to run through the field, hoping that would distract him from stressing over my sleeping patterns and well-being. It did. He chased after me and I kicked the ball high over the playground. I tried to go after it but a pair of arms looped around my waist and pulled me up in the air.

"Eli!" I screamed in sheer surprise and kicked my feet in the air. He's never done something like this before and it left me utterly in shock but it was fun being in his arms.

"You took my ball, woman," Eli snarled playfully. "Now neither of us will get it."

He swung me around and I was starting to feel dizzy so I begged him to put me down, still giggling in the process. _Gosh, I sounded like an elf._

"Whoa," I said wobbly, holding onto his arms when the world started to swim.

"You okay?" He held onto me steadily and I placed my hands on his shoulders as I bowed my head to steady my vision.

I took in a deep breath and felt better. "Yeah, I'm fine…" I realized just then that we were in a compromising position. His hands were on my back and my hands were on his shoulders, both of us fairly close to one another and my breath mingling with his.

My butterflies erupted and what I was avoiding inevitably smacked right across my face. I was feeling nauseous. My heart was hanging in the back my throat and I felt heavy. I stared into Eli's eyes and shared a similar look with him that he's been giving me the past few weeks.

_Kiss him._

I wanted to slap my inner voice because I definitely didn't want to do _that_. Or maybe I did? It couldn't hurt to try, right? _Right. _I took Darcy's instructions and started to lean in, closing my eyes in the process and opening my mouth. I expected his lips to find mine but I was left with kissing the air, and suddenly feeling a cold chill - which was weird since this was probably the hottest day in the summer by far.

I opened my eyes and realized Eli wasn't holding me anymore. I also realized that the cold chill had _nothing_ to do with the weather. I was confused my Eli's expression. He was slightly looking away, head hung low and hands stuffed in his pockets. He looked ashamed.

"What just happened?" I asked, the only thing I could think of to say, _More like what _didn't_ just happened._

"Look, Clare, I don't know what impression you got from "this"…." He was stalling. Moving his hands between us and sounding a little nervous. Which was odd since he always sounded confident. "…You're just a kid and-"

"_You're just a kid."_

It was Eli's voice but not the one that was speaking to me right now. He was younger and I was starting to feel overwhelmed by how I was hearing it at such a bad time.

"_I'm six and a half! You're eight. We're not that far apart."_

Now it was my voice I heard. I sounded upset and it made me realize that what Eli and I were fighting about so many years ago was happening again. _The age difference between us._ In general, I hated being called a kid or a little girl because it felt like I was belittled for things that I could easily do because of my age.

"I am _not _a kid!" I roared, finally responding to him. "I'm 14. You're 16. I don't see that big of an age difference."

"It's not just that!" he argued. "I _can't _do this with you. I don't like you like that!"

The blow was like someone punching me in the stomach and all I wanted to do was sink to the grass and became a part of the earth. The feeling was so painful and I was even more confused when tears sprung in my eyes. _I had to get out of here. _I ran away from him as fast as I could and I ran down the sidewalk, pushing myself to get farther and farther away.

I had to put _this _away. Far, far away.

.

.

Mom, Darcy and even dad knocked on my door several times. When I got home, I was already drowning in my own tears and I ran upstairs without realizing how much noise I made. I told them to go way each time no matter how persistent they were because I needed to fully understand myself what just happened before I bombard the story to someone else.

Now that I know Eli doesn't feel the same way, I have only one option:

Avoid him at all costs.

There is no need to be friends when things would be too awkward for us. I wouldn't feel comfortable anymore and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't. And also, I didn't want to see him. I was mad at him. It might seem unreasonable to be mad at him but he was giving me all the signals Alli described and more. I felt used and led on. I didn't like the feeling at all.

All of these emotions running through me were making me exhausted and after battling with my mind, I decided to take a small nap.

"_Sweetie, open the door."_

"_Leave me alone!"_

_The shrill voice made my ears almost bleed but it sounded familiar. _Very _familiar. I gasped when I saw myself sitting against my bedroom door, my arms wrapped around my knees and crying relentlessly. It was my younger self, and I looked so upset, I couldn't bear to see the sight._

"_It's going to be okay," a muffled voice soothed behind the door and I recognized it to be mom's voice immediately._

"_No, it's not! HE'S GONE!"_

_I knew who I was screaming about and I was so upset that his absence impacted me in such a way. Everyone said we were close. _

_But how close?_

_**Ump!**_

"Ah." I rubbed my aching head and sat up on the floor, feeling dizzy for the second time that day.

I slowly, but surely, got off the floor and checked my clock to see 4:00 blinking red. I only slept for half an hour but I figured it was enough time for me to stay locked up in my room. I hated being inside the house for so long; I liked going outside to hang out since I was little. My parents had the pictures to prove it. Since, you know, that whole little memory gap kind of makes things very difficult.

I bounded down the stairs and decided to go to Alli's. "Mom, dad, I'm going to Alli's. Be back before dinner." I opened the door and almost tripped when I saw Eli standing there. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked, wringing his hands in a nervous manner that only made me narrow my eyes.

"Why?" I sounded harsh and in the moment, I did not care.

"_Please,_ Clare." He sounded very vulnerable and his eyes were pleading with me.

I couldn't say no to anyone if they looked this upset, even if the person made _me _upset. I always cared about everyone, even when they treated me like crap. _Curse my good nature! _

I closed the door behind us and we took a seat on the porch steps. "Okay, what do you want to talk about?"

"I'm sorry for being such a jerk to you," he breathed out quickly I almost didn't hear him. "Leading you on like that was cruel of me and I don't know what came over me."

I looked at him closely, watching how his eyes kept looking in different directions, as if he were trying to distract himself. It almost seemed like he was lying.

"So what does this mean now?" I asked. I didn't know if things could go exactly the same anymore but even if I were mad at him, I still wanted to be his friend.

"Still friends?" he said, and I traced an underlying tone in his voice. _Disappointment._

"I'll have to see," I said, but a smile was threatening to escape.

"I see that smile," he grinned and I couldn't help but laugh at the goofy face he had on.

We both laughed and I suddenly felt ten times better. We could still be friends. That was fine and it seem things won't be too awkward. Good. Now things can go back to the way they were.

The door suddenly flew opened. "Oh! Sorry, Clare I thought you were going to Alli's," Darcy said apologetically, the recycling bin steady in her hands.

"No, no. We're sorry," Eli quickly apologized, standing up.

Darcy looked towards Eli and something in her eyes flickered. I couldn't quite understand what it was but it almost resembled the look of… admiration? Maybe but I was too baffled by the site to analyze at the moment. I looked at Eli and he was, too, looking at her. The same way he did many weeks ago.

"Uhh, excuse me," she said, sounding suddenly shy.

Eli moved out of the way - even though he wasn't remotely close to her - and smirked as he watched her walk down to the front lawn.

"So Eli, do you want to go back to the park?" I asked.

"Huh?" He looked at me, confused before regaining composure. "Oh, su…"

"Clare, mom's making lasagna," Darcy said as she walked back over to us. "Would you like to join us, Eli?"

"Yes," he said eagerly and I looked at him in disbelief.

Darcy smiled cheekily at him before disappearing inside. He followed after her and I was left dumbfounded.

_What just happened?_


	7. Chapter 6: Dreadful Confessions

**Hello, lovely readers. I hope some of you are still interested in this story because things are about to get a little crazy. And I know many of you are upset about Eli and Darcy but... Well I can't give it away. ;) Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>.<p>

_Chapter 6._

_._

**_**_Dreadful Confessions._**_**

"I've been having dreams lately… of Eli and I." I licked my ice cream cone as I looked up at dad, a little worried to how he would respond.

His expression was unreadable as he took a lick of his cone. "For how long?"

"About a month now," I mumbled. "They're dreams of when we were younger. One in particular caught my attention; I was in my room crying and you and mom were trying to comfort me. It seemed so real but I don't know…"

"It was real," he stated heavily, sighing when I gave him an alarmed look. "I guess your subconscious is trying to make you remember."

I narrowed my eyes confusedly. "Remember Eli?"

"Let's go back to the car." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder before guiding us through the parking lot. I didn't miss the distressed look on his face the whole time.

I didn't think it would be this serious… to have dad be so secretive about it… but the dreams have been becoming more consistent and I had to tell someone. I just wanted the missing pieces to my childhood.

We threw away our Kleenexes after finishing our ice cream and went inside the car. I turned to dad and begged with my eyes to tell me what exactly happened. He didn't seem like he was going to budge so I had to pry it out of him.

"Dad, what happened when Eli left?" He didn't look at me and I let out a frustrated noise. "Please! I need to know what's going on. Do you know how stupid I feel that everyone remembers but me?"

"I'm sorry about that, honey," he said sorrowfully, his eyes shining. "When Eli moved away, you kind of felt lost…"

"He was my best friend, right? That's understandable." I tried to justify but dad didn't look like he was finished speaking yet.

"You hid in your room everyday and would cry all day." He grabbed onto my hand. "We would try to help but you would only yell about how much everything was bad because Eli wasn't there. Then after a few months you didn't cry. You didn't even mention Eli's name. And if we did, you wouldn't know who we were talking about."

My jaw slightly dropped. "What? All of this happened?"

"I'm afraid so, sweetie," he nodded, smiling weakly. "We took you to a child psychiatrist and asked what could've happened. He told us you were so upset and lost over losing Eli, you subconsciously blocked all thoughts of him."

"That's why I don't remember?" I asked in disbelief, flabbergasted over the fact I was _that _upset over losing Eli. "I'm sorry, daddy."

"Oh, it's not your fault," he chuckled tenderly, pulling me into a hug. "When we told Cece and Bullfrog, they felt so awful."

"Does Eli know?" If he did, then he would have some explaining to do. And what happened during the years when we were apart? Was Eli upset just like I was?

He shook his head and I let out a breath of relief. "We all decided it would be best not to tell him because he would probably be upset too."

"Okay then," I nodded, relaxing in my seat. "But why didn't you and mom tell me?"

"I guess we didn't want you to have to think about those dark times. It was a really hard experience you had to go through," he frowned, the wrinkles in his forehead creasing.

"Alright but if anything remotely similar or close to this happens again, will you tell me right away?" I asked hopefully, shooting a pointed look.

"Of course," he laughed. "Do you want to go home now?"

"Yes, please! Eli and I are supposed to go to the park today," I smiled happily.

It's been a few weeks since Eli and I became friends "again" and we haven't really been spending time together. Apparently his dad has been having him work at a summer job before school starts so I've been spending most of my time with Alli. I haven't seen Darcy that much either; she's been at Manny's almost everyday and other friends, but I was so excited Eli and I were able to hang out again. The last time I saw him he was too busy talking to my whole family when Darcy invited him over for dinner.

I guess I just missed him. He's on my mind a lot and it kind of makes me upset that I'm not over him. I feel everything that Alli told me on the first day I met him. I'm trying to deny it though for the sake of our friendship but I still wish he felt the same way… or that we were the same age.

I need to stop dwelling about this.

Dad and I finally arrived home and I jumped out of the car, running towards the door. Dad laughed as he caught up with me, and I ran upstairs to my bedroom once he opened the door.

I tightened the pony-tail in my hair and fixed the frame of my glasses while I looked for any dirt or wrinkles on my clothes. When I felt that I looked okay, I bounded down the stairs and went into the kitchen to greet mom, but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Eli and Darcy sitting at the kitchen table.

Darcy noticed me first. "Hey Clare! How was your day with dad?"

"Good… I guess," I responded unsurely, slowly walking into to the kitchen. "Hey Eli."

"Hi," he smirked, and I felt relieved all of the sudden. "How are you?"

"Great," I smiled widely

"Oh! I forgot my purse from the bedroom. I'll be right back," Darcy excused herself, smiling at Eli then me before leaving the kitchen.

"So do you wanna go now?" I asked.

He looked confused. "Go where?"

"To the park…" I grounded out, stunned that he forgot. "Remember you said a few days ago we were going to the park today? That's why you came by… right?"

His mouth dropped and I felt the wheels turn. If he forgot and wasn't here for me? Then…

"You're going out with Darcy?" I accused, feeling heat flare in my body. "My _sister_?"

"Clare, I'm sorry." He stood up with an apologetic gesture. "Darce and I were hanging out yesterday and she asked if I wanted to go to the movies and-"

"You were supposed to be working yesterday," I interrupted, crossing my arms when realization started to dawn on me.

There was no summer job. There was no hanging out with Manny. It was them two. Hanging out. Together. Behind _my _back. I let out a disbelieving gasp and turned on my heel before I would explode, scoffing when I saw Darcy.

"Clare, are you okay?" she asked, concerned, but I was already pushing past her and out the door.

I walked on the grass and ignored the voice calling my name, until someone pulled my arm and turned me around. Eli looked terribly guilty but I didn't care at the moment. I ripped my arm out of his grasp and stepped a good three feet away.

"We wanted to tell you," he sympathized. "But we knew it would crush you if we did."

"So you lie to me instead?" I demanded harshly, feeling angry tears well in my eyes. I did _not _want to cry. "You're only hanging out with my sister, you could've just told me."

Eli looked more ashamed after a few moments passed and he looked at the ground, hands stuffed in his pockets. He wasn't telling me something.

"Clare, Darcy and I… We're…" He took in a deep breath and his eyes caught mine. "Dating."

If I being rejected was the worst thing to happen to me this summer, then I was completely wrong. This took the cake. I felt stupid and I just wanted to scream. I didn't know what to do. Except I did want to slap Eli across the face and just run to Alli's but I was frozen.

Eli's eyes were full of sadness and I wanted to claw them out.

"How… Why… I," I couldn't form coherent sentences, my mouth was paralyzed. "How could you do this?"

"I like her, Clare," was all he said. "It's not something I could just control."

_I couldn't control my feelings for you but was able to push them away for your sake you jerk!_

"I can't believe this," I muttered to myself, looking down at my shoes.

"I'm sorry but that's just how it is." He lightly patted my shoulder before turning away.

"But what about me?" I cried, before I could stop myself. "I love you, Eli."

Before I had time to comprehend what I admitted, Eli turned back around, a dark expression on his face.

"Don't love me now," he threatened, but there was underlying pleading to it. "Not when things are so messed up."

The tears fell down my cheeks and I watched as he went back inside. I didn't want to see him or Darcy anymore so I sprinted down the sidewalk. I didn't know for sure in that moment if I was going to go to Alli's. I didn't really know anything at the moment.

Except for what heartbreak felt like.


	8. Chapter 7: New Light

**Wow, so many great responses! I was a little worried last chapter wouldn't be that great but I guess I didn't dissapoint! Okay, so this chapter may not seem as intense as last but I think you guys can see how things will turn out in the story after this chapter. Enjoy! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>.<p>

_Chapter 7._

.

_**New Light.**_

I hid myself under the trees at the park. I was able to be by myself and just process everything that has happened. I was confused, lost and mostly angry. How could I be so stupid as to fall for Eli? How could I even think he would love me back? How could Darcy do this? She knew I loved Eli; she even teased me about it for a long time.

I received A's in all of my subjects. Science, Math and English were the hardest subjects for all of my classmates. I learned every lesson with ease… But love? Why is that I can solve equations and do labs but not control the most destructible emotion a human can embody. I hated the fact it happened to me. An irrational and hurt side of me blamed Alli for ever bringing up 'the one' with me. Everything was less confusing before that conversation happened. Which reminded me just then that I was occupied under the tree where the conversation took place. Also where my 'reunion' with Eli - _stop thinking about him!_

My hands banged against my head and I realized how much of a wreck I was for thinking physical force would stop making me think about Eli. I sniffled and wiped away the last of my tears but I was certain more was to come. To distract myself, I looked around the park and took note of the few civilians occupying it. A ramp was located at the far left of the park and a couple of boys with skateboards skated off the ramps. I never remembered a skate ramp at the park, but I did usually hang out in only one spot.

It was dark out but I still wasn't ready to go home yet. Maybe I could do some exploring. I lifted myself off the ground and followed a path that led to a small river and bridge. There were trees and leaves covered everywhere and I had to watch where I stepped so I wouldn't fall. I crossed over the bridge and took in the hill that stood before me. _It couldn't hurt to see, right?_

I took a step off the bridge and my foot caught onto a branch. Screaming, I fell to the leave and branch-covered ground and rolled off a small hump that connected from the bridge. My body clunked against something hard with a loud _Hmp! _and I groaned in pain, a searing burn going through my arm. I managed to turn over on my knees and that's when I saw the blood dripping down my palm.

"Oh no." I blew on the cut and hissed at the burn. This was just fantastic.

A creak perked my ears in alert and my pulse leaped in my throat when I saw a figure walking on the bridge. I subconsciously shuffled away in terror and bit back a scream. A slice of light from the moon shined on the figure's face and it revealed to be a boy. A very tall boy with light brown hair with a hat over his head. I squinted my eyes at the familiarity of his appearance until I realized he was one of the skater boys' that were skating at the ramp.

"Don't be scared," he offered quietly, his hands outstretched in a harmless way. "I saw you walking down the path and figured I'd warn you it's creepy here at night. You don't know what could be lurking in these woods."

A sheet of cold, paralyzing fear went through me and instantly I got up from the ground, moving close to the skater-guy. He looked at my hand and his eyebrows lifted in concern.

"That looks bad," he observed, his hands reached for my mine but paused. "Can I take a look?"

I didn't know who this guy was and I was a little scared being alone with him in the woods but we weren't too far from the opened area. And he did seem pretty harmless. I nodded for him to continue, words still lost somewhere in my throat.

He held my hand gently and examined it with his eyes, narrowing his brows every so often and a frown here and there. I could only stare at him, still feeling confused but a little grateful that he cared about my well-being.

"Are your parents near by? Or any friends?" he asked, releasing my hand. "You'll have to get this checked out."

"I came alone," I replied meekly, my voice sounding hoarse. "Is it that bad?"

"You're not going to die or anything…" he joked, scratching the back of his neck in a light manner. "But I don't think you'll want an infection. How about I take you home?"

He motioned me to go first and I walked forward shyly, keeping my hand close to my chest. When we made it past the jungle gym I let out a breath of relief because then I was sure there were no creeps watching us.

"What about your skateboard?" I blurted when the sudden thought came to mind.

"So you've been watching me then…" he smiled teasingly, laughing when I gave him a panicked look. "Don't worry about it. It's in good hands."

"Are you sure about that?" I imposed, knowing from first-hand experience to not trust anyone with your prized possessions. "Isn't it a nice skateboard?"

"Yeah, but it's only a skateboard. Right now I think this is a little more important then a piece of wood," he shrugged, his hands hiding in his pockets. "So what's your name?"

"Clare." I looked up at him and was startled by how tall he was. He seemed to like to smile a lot and even as upset as I was, I felt small warmth spread inside. "What's your name?"

"KC," he enunciated, and we steered onto the sidewalk. "And I don't know what it stands for so you can put that thought to rest."

"I didn't actually have that thought, but that's weird that you don't know. Your parents like to keep it a secret?"

All traces of laughter left his face and his eyes narrowed in a way that reminded me I was with a complete stranger at the moment and didn't know what he was capable of. I kept my pace steady and was ready anytime to break out in a run, even though he was probably faster then me, I wasn't going to give in without a fight.

"Why were you out in the woods?" he asked tensely. "Don't you know how dangerous it is at night time?"

He still looked angry but if I went along with what he said, maybe he'd cool down. And I won't get killed. Seems like a fair trade.

"I just needed to be by myself for a bit," I answered calmly, refusing to think about the actual cause as to why I took off.

"Avoiding something?"

A screech sounded beside us, throwing away my will to speak, and I turned to see my dad's car parked a few strides after us. The car came up to us and another chill of fear went through me. Dad rolled down the window, a stone expression on his face.

"Get in the car," he demanded lowly, his voice sounding like he physically lashed at me.

"That's my dad," I whispered urgently to KC. "Thanks for helping me but he'll take me home now."

I scurried inside the car before he could respond and dad took off down the road with an erratic speed. I looked behind me and saw KC walking back towards the park. I hoped he made it back there safely.

"Where have you been?" dad's voice cut through the silence, his voice even.

"The park."

"Oh, Clare, what happened that made you get that?" he asked, sounding concerned and tired. I hope he wasn't looking for me for a long time.

"I fell but it's not that bad. I can just clean it up at home." I turned my body towards away from him because I didn't want to talk anymore. I didn't want him to bring up Eli. I just wanted to go home, get my hand bandaged up and go to bed.

The car was silent for the next few minutes and I thought maybe I got my wish.

"Clare, we need to talk about this."

I was wrong.

"There is nothing to talk about."

We pulled up in our driveway and I dashed out of the car before he could harass more with the subject. He looked defeated when he reached the door and I kept my eyes on the ground until he let us in. Darcy and mom were in the living room. Both of them sprung to their feet when they saw me but a flood of emotions went through me and I tried to escape by running up the stairs to my room.

Mom visited me and fixed my hand after a few minutes of recollection. She only asked me where I went, how I got the cut and how I was found. I knew she was keeping the taboo subject for later because I was going to have to tell her eventually, even if I didn't want to.

I took a hot bath and felt a little better but only physically. Usually at this time Darcy would come in my room and brush my hair - I didn't want her anywhere near me right now. I did let mom stay with me though. She offered to brush mine since it helped me relax. I settled myself between her on my bed and she gently pulled the brush through my hair.

"Are we going to talk about it now?" she asked gently, as if the question were causal.

I sighed, knowing there was no way out of this. "You already know."

"That you vanished six hours ago without telling anyone? Yes, I did know that. Tell me why you did it." She didn't sound too demanding but it was enough for me to spill my guts.

"He loves Darcy, mom…" I breathed, closing my eyes when tears brimmed at the edges. I was tired of crying for the day.

"Oh, sweetie." She wrapped her arms around me and rested her head on top of mine as I let out a sob for the umpteenth time that day.

"What's wrong with me? Am I really that bad?" I asked myself.

I knew I wasn't as pretty as Darcy but I believed we both had good personalities. Didn't Eli like good personalities? What was so better about Darcy then me?

"No, of course not. Don't you ever think such a thing," she scolded, holding me tighter.

"Why does it hurt so much?" I cried, feeling overwhelmed by the emotions. "I don't understand anything."

"It's supposed to feel like this," she murmured softly, nuzzling my hair. "It's normal to be upset. That's what this is all about."

"I don't want to feel like this ever again! I need it to go away."

"It's not that simple, but things will get better with time. Trust me," she said confidently, as if she were in the same position before.

"You make it sound so easy. I don't think I can ever look at them again," I confessed, preparing for her scolding.

"There will be plenty of boys, Clare, but you'll always have one sister."

I looked at her and she gave me a tender look that made me want to the right thing. But not this time. Right now, I didn't want to talk to Darcy.

"She went after him when she knew I wanted to be with him. I don't want to talk to her right now," I retorted stubbornly.

Mom squinted her eyes and frowned. "Darcy was worried sick about you when you left. She loves you."

I wasn't going to argue with her about this. I pulled away from her grasp and plopped myself on the bed, facing towards her with a tired expression on my face.

"I think I'm really tired," I yawned effectively, burying my face in the pillow. "Can I go to sleep?"

"Alright then, but take in consideration to what I said," she warned but not in a harsh way. "Goodnight sweetie."

"Goodnight mom, love you."

"I love you too," she smiled before leaving my room.

I let out a breath and relaxed under the covers. I tried to push away any thoughts of Eli and Darcy for the rest of the night and just focused on getting some sleep. However, someone in particular kept popping in my mind before I rested in my peaceful slumber.


	9. Chapter 8: New Beginnings

**Thank you for being patient, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. It's not the greatest but it's building up for the plot.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>.<p>

_Chapter 8._

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**_New Beginnings._**

I decided to pull my hair in a bun this morning since I didn't straighten it anymore. Darcy used to do it for me and I didn't want her near me at the moment so I ran out of options. There was no way I had the patience to do it myself.

A week has passed since my injury and it seemed to be healing well. It's also been a week of mopping and crying but today is going to be a fresh start. I slid on my glasses and checked myself in the mirror to make sure I looked decent enough. I was done crying over something so stupid and the best thing to put this behind me is spend the day with Alli. I left the room and headed towards the stairs.

"Clare?"

I skidded to a halt at Darcy's hesitant voice by instinct. After breaking out of the instinctive state I began down the stairs, ignoring her pleadings behind me. She followed me and I quickly tried to escape out the door when she pressed her hand flat against it to stop me. My eyes strayed to the floor, thinking she would go away if I gave her the silent treatment.

"Clare, can we please talk? You've been avoiding me for a week now," she begged, sadness in her voice.

"That was my intention," I said monotonously, still looking at the ground.

Darcy huffed indignantly. "Please Clare, we have to talk about this one time. It can't be this tense in the house. For our sakes and our parents."

I finally looked up at her, staring into her pleading mud eyes. I didn't see sweetness and care in them like I always accustomed myself to see. Now all I see is a pair of dark, blank eyes.

"What do you want to talk about? You think we can just go back to being happy siblings again?" I demanded, crossing my arms saucily.

"Of course not," Darcy said hastily, rubbing her forehead. "I just want to see how you're doing about of all this. Maybe I can explain to you how Eli and I first started to became friends."

"Do I want to hear my sister talk about how she fell for the guy I love?" I asked sarcastically, staring at the ceiling in mock thought. "No."

Darcy looked at me in disbelief. "Love? Clare, you can't be serious."

"Excuse me?" I spat angrily. "What is that supposed to mean?"

How is it so unlikely that I loved Eli? She had Eli, he loved her back, yet she still had to be judgmental towards me when I was perfectly fine with ignoring her. She was already starting to ruin my fresh parade and I haven't even left the house yet.

"Clare, you're only fourteen, you don't know what love is," she said sympathetically, giving a sad look.

"And you do?" I accused venomously. She was taken aback but I wasn't finished yet. "You've had at least five boyfriends this year and claimed you all 'loved' them. Then you guys would break up and you'd be heart broken, claiming they were never 'what you expected.' How is Eli different then all the other guys?"

"We've known him since we were-"

"He was _my _best friend. I remember how you used to treat us. Always so snotty and making us feel stupid. Like you had time to grow an actual friendship with him before he moved." I scoffed, glaring at her.

Darcy's lips began to tremble and she looked away. I realized then that I just overpowered my sister which I didn't think was possible because she was _always_ the person to be ahead of me. Always correcting me if I was wrong and always looking over my shoulder. I didn't have that anymore. I didn't want it. I could take care of myself.

She wiped her the tear in her eye, shaking her head to herself before giving me a defeated look. "I never said I loved him. We just had a connection after we spent time together. We _really _like each other, Clare. Understand that doesn't mean we don't care about you."

Maybe they did both still cared for me and buried deep under my shattered heart I was grateful. But at the moment, I couldn't get past anything but the image of them two being together. Hugging each other. Kissing each other. I could feel tears starting to well in my eyes.

"I hope you two are happy," I mumbled, turning away and walking out the door.

.

.

"Come on, Clare, you always love the monkey bars."

I couldn't do it. The memory of me and Eli's first trip to the park kept popping in my mind. I was on the monkey bars while he held my glasses. It was the first day things rekindled between the two of us. If I went on the monkey bars, the moment would be replaced and feel wrong. Even if it hurts I didn't want to lose it.

"I'm sorry, Alli, I thought today would help but I…" My confrontation with Darcy still bugged me and opened patched up wounds.

Alli, whom was now upside down, flipped herself up until she was seated on top of the metal bars. I felt really bad for ruining our - supposed to be fun - day but I just couldn't function properly with this ache inside me.

"We need to get your mind off this idiot," Alli scowled. "And I don't have anything to say about Darcy except for did she ever hear about the girl code? Geez."

I groaned, palming my face. "I shouldn't burden you with my problems. They're stupid anyways."

"Don't you dare say that!" she scolded, pointing a finger at me. "You're lucky I didn't come to your house the moment you told me."

I bowed my head in shame. I did give Alli the basis of what happened that day. I didn't tell her about my encounter with that KC guy though. I didn't know why I didn't but there was something so strange about that night. Maybe it was the fact I talked to a complete stranger for at least twenty minutes or that fact it was night time. Or maybe it was something completely different to how he made me feel in our time together. I didn't know.

"Darcy kind of confronted me today and it was pretty tense," I admitted, laying myself on the grass.

"Maybe she wanted to make things better," Alli offered, swinging her legs back and forth.

"That's exactly what she was trying to do," I sighed, looking at the clouds in the clear blue sky. "And I'm too stubborn and upset to let her."

"She's dating your child-hood best friend, Clare. One that you have _very _strong feelings for," Alli emphasized. "You have the right to be angry with her."

"I guess-"

A screech cut off my words and I tilted my head back to see a skateboard gliding across the park sidewalk. My thought instantly went to a certain someone and when I adjusted my eyes further up, there he was. Even though he looked upside down I knew for sure it was him.

He skidded to a stop when his eyes caught onto mine and I sat up quickly, fixing my disarrayed clothes. With his skateboard in hand, he walked over to me, a smile on his face.

"Look who's amongst the living," he chuckled, giving me a nod.

I scrambled to my feet, blushing scarlet. "Yeah. It was only a flesh wound, but I might've not survived if you haven't saved me."

"Whoa, never thought I could pull off the hero type." He seemed impressed with himself. "No problem."

Feet jumped to the ground behind us and I almost forgot Alli was here with me. I could see the smug smile on her face from my peripheral vision, making me feel nervous all of the sudden.

"Who's your friend, Clare?" she asked, raising her eyebrows suggestively.

I was about to deny he was my friend but that would be rude. "Alli, this is KC. KC, this is my best friend, Alli."

"Hey," he nodded towards Alli. "So what are you two ladies up to?"

"Just hanging out," I responded casually. "You here for the ramps? I'm guessing your friends did guard your board with their lives?"

He laughed out loud and I couldn't help but smile. The same warm feeling from the night I met him spread through me and I didn't think I was capable to feel an emotion so light after being through so much sadness.

"They got my back," he stated proudly. "I can always show you some moves if you ever decide to give skating a try. That's if you want me to."

"Sure!" Alli piped enthusiastically, batting her eyelashes. "Clare told me she wanted to get in a new activity."

I looked at her in alarm but she only motioned me to play along. I looked back at KC and smiled up at him in agreement, much to my dismay.

"Cool," he smirked, walking towards the ramps.

Alli and I weren't too far behind and I kept my gaze straight ahead, even though I could feel her eyes burning a hole at the side of my face. After a few minutes I couldn't take it anymore.

"You can stop staring at me now," I whispered harshly.

Alli sported a devilish smile. "When? How did you meet him? Why didn't you tell me? He is so cute!"

"It slipped my mind," I shrugged nonchalantly.

She gave me a pointed look. "You've been holding out on me! Meeting a new guy and already flirting. I've taught you so well!"

"Back it up," I said. "I was not flirting with him. We aren't even friends. He just helped me when I fell at the park one night."

How could Alli be thinking about KC as a new love interest already? I mean, I know Darcy didn't waste too much time into finding a new boy after being dumped but I wasn't like her. I was going to stick to my regular motto I had from the beginning of summer. I don't care about boys. I care about school. And since it was going to start in a couple of weeks, it will officially give me a fresh start from this summer.

"The night you found out about…" Alli trailed off carefully, her voice coloured in sympathy.

"Yeah," I nodded. "But that doesn't mean anything. I'm probably never going to see KC again after this day."

Alli finally let me free from interrogation and I let out a breath of relief.

"Oh, KC you're going to be in the ninth grade, right?" she asked, shooting me a wink before he turned around. When he nodded, a smirk quirked on her mouth. "By any chance will you be attending Degrassi Community School?"

"Yeah! You two going to be there too?"

Alli turned to me, the smirk still prominent and I groaned internally.

"Yes, yes we are."


	10. Chapter 9: Grateful Discoveries

**I'm very sorry for my absence but I was having a hard time to find the motivation to write. But I have a chapter now. :) Thanks for reading!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>.<p>

_Chapter 9._

_._

**_Grateful_ _Discoveries._**

Tomorrow was the first day of school and my nerves were already kicking in. I don't know why exactly - I had all my things ready. Maybe because I'd meet new people. Maybe I was intimidated by the gifted program I was selected in. Who am I kidding? Those were the things I am most excited for. I'm just making up excuses for what's really bothering me. But I promised myself I wouldn't think of it.

So to kill some time on the dreary Monday afternoon I took out my notebook and began to write. Words stained the page effortlessly and I didn't have time to realize what I was writing. The inspiration just came like a speed of lightning, making me lose my focus on anything except for the words I was scribbling incoherently on the page.

It might've been minutes or hours after I finished, exiting myself from my writing bubble I skimmed through the page and grimaced at the words. I threw the book on my bed and left downstairs.

_Knock! Knock!_

"I'll get it!" I yelled, before opening the door to reveal a pair of striking green eyes. "What are you doing here?"

His lips parted to speak but nothing came out. My brain started to function just minutes after and realized he must've been here for Darcy. I guess having not speaking to him for awhile made me forget some things about him. But I didn't forget my last exchange with him. Him telling me he's dating Darcy and me telling him I loved him. I wished I could erase that memory from my mind. I mean, as a kid I erased his whole existence, why can't I do that now?

"Wait," he said when I tried to leave to get Darcy. I raised an eyebrow at him, confused at what he was trying to do. He took in a deep breath and stuck his hands in his pockets. "I came here to talk to you."

The words didn't really reach my mind since all I could respond to that was a loud laugh. He looked alarmed by my sudden outburst but I didn't stop until tears were almost in my eyes.

"Was that supposed to be funny?" I asked harshly once I was finished, narrowing my eyes at him. "I'm done with these games, Eli. I thought we were just going to forget about each other and move on with our lives."

He looked hurt for some strange reason, but a slight ache went through me at the sight of him. I don't know why. I should feel happy that he was pain, to revel in it. But instead I felt like crap.

"I know we haven't spoken to each other in a few weeks but I really think we should talk about this," he pleaded. "I just took off before we could fully discuss what happened."

"I already know what happened," I said sharply. "I don't need another reminder."

"Just come outside for a few minutes," he bargained, his eyes glistening. "I'll leave you alone after that, I promise."

I crossed my arms in contemplation, and mentally kicking myself for even considering to talk to him. I was feeling better for a bit. I've been spending my days with Alli and even got know a little more about KC. And from what I've known so far, I really liked KC. He seemed like a good friend. I didn't need Eli ruining my semi-happy parade for his benefit.

"Why now?" I asked. "You could've contacted me a few weeks ago. I don't understand why you're doing this. Can't you just leave me alone?"

"Damnit, Clare!" he muttered gruffly, pulling his hair in frustration. "I'm trying to make things right. I can't let this happen again. Not with you."

"What are you talking about?" I was confused beyond belief by now and it didn't seem like I was going to be getting any answers from him. _What was he hiding? What did it have to do with me? _"Eli, what is going on?"

He was pulling onto his hair crazily and it was starting to scare me how out of control he was being. I closed the door behind me and took him off the steps, and pulling onto his arms to stop what he was doing to himself.

"Eli. Calm down," I said softly. "Let go. Come on, stop doing this."

In a blur, our positions switched and his hands locked around my arms, his crazed green eyes staring into mine. I let out a small scream at the spontaneous movement, my insides burning with fear.

"You don't understand," he rasped, tightening his hold on me. "I can't be…"

The grip was bruising and I wanted to howl in pain but his words kept me frozen without a fight. I tried to egg him on to continue, to tell me what he was trying to say.

"It's okay," I soothed. "Just let go of me. Then we can talk."

I should've been calling for mom or dad at the moment, but I just couldn't leave him just yet. There was something happening to him and it's stupid of me to not get him some help but I was still firmly under his grip. Part of me wanted to stay but the other part of me was too scared to.

"Clare, I'm sorry," he shook his head, his voice cracking. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I still… I…"

I waited patiently for him to continue but he only released my arms, his head bowed and his fists clenching tightly up to his chest. I took a tentative step back, watching him carefully so I could prepare for his next move.

"I should probably get my mom or dad to come," I said cautiously, taking more steps back.

He whipped up his head, tears running down his cheeks in a heap and I felt my heart break. I reached out to him but he only swivelled away.

"Don't tell your parents," he demanded, his eyes looking at the ground. "Don't tell anyone. Just believe that I'm sorry. That's all I wanted to say."

"I'm not buying that!" I yelled. "You wanted to talk about everything and now you're hiding something from me. Tell me what it is, Eli!"

"I can't! Now that you know…" His eyes closed, and his breathing turned heavy. "I just can't."

He walked away again and I almost ran after him, but I was too overwhelmed by what happened. I was scared, pained and confused. I just want this to be over. I wanted to forget about him and just move on. But I couldn't forget this. Not when he was hiding something from me. And I didn't want to admit it, but my feelings weren't leaving anytime soon. I'll have to deal with them for now.

.

.

"Here we are," dad announced, stopping the car in front of the school.

I unbuckled my seatbelt and grabbed my bag, opening the door. "Bye dad. I'll see you after school," I muttered, hurriedly escaping the car so I wouldn't be stuck with Darcy.

I stopped in front of the steps and saw many kids walk in the school. An arm suddenly looped through mine and Alli smiled widely at me, easing my nerves quickly.

"Thought maybe you'd need an escort to class," Alli winked, giving me a hug.

"I'm so glad you came early," I sighed, releasing from the hug.

"Like I'm going to let you face the sharks on your own," she said in an obvious tone, shaking her head disapprovingly. "So… you ready?"

My eyes strayed again over the students and my stomach lurched when I saw Eli walking up the stairs with Darcy. How could things be normal for him after yesterday? I know he didn't forget. And I know he didn't tell anyone. For some strange reason, I didn't either. I just made up an excuse when mom and dad questioned me. Even Darcy had her suspicions, but it seems what Eli is hiding has nothing to do with Darcy. I felt like it was only something he wanted to tell me. I'll get it out from him sooner or later. We just have to be alone when I do.

"Let's go," Alli urged, gently squeezing my arm. "You don't have to see this."

My heavy thoughts dissolved in time when Alli started to lug me up the stairs.

"Clare! Alli!" a familiar voice behind us.

KC came running up the stairs towards us and I was surprised he wasn't holding his skateboard.

"Hi KC," I smiled. "Did you run here? You look out of breath?"

"Nah, skated." He pointed to the back of his bag when someone pushed him forward and into me by accident.

"Stupid freshmen," the elder boy muttered, rolling his eyes before walking into the school.

KC pulled away from me, scratching the back of his head as I flushed a bright red. This was not the way I thought I'd be starting my first day. My eyes gazed elsewhere and landed on bright green ones. He was expressionless but that didn't control the small tremor go though me. I looked away, flustered.

"We better go inside before we get trampled," I suggested, nodding my head for KC to follow.

We gathered our schedules, checked out our lockers and resided in the media immersion room for first period. Surprisingly, KC was in the gifted program as well and the class seemed to be pretty straight-forward so I wasn't too worried. KC and I had the next period together while Alli had Math. Lunch was around the corner and the three of us decided to eat together.

"Meat loaf with mustard," I announced, holding the sandwich in distaste.

"About that…" Alli began, looking up at me. "Since we're in high school now don't you think we should let go of this juvenile lunch-swap?"

I was stunned by here request. We've been doing the lunch-swap since 6th grade. Now she wants too end it because it's too kiddie?

"Are you serious?" I asked in shock.

She opened her paper bag and took out a roast beef sandwich. She loathed roast beef ever since Daniel Berwyn threw a piece at her when we were 10. I watched her eye it in slight disgust and she abruptly threw at me.

"Never mind." She snatched the meat loaf from my hand and took out the rest of her lunch.

I smiled in satisfaction and took the sandwich out of the wrapper when I felt a gaze burning a hole on the side of my face. I tilted my head and saw KC staring amusedly at me.

"Can I help you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you two always like this?" he asked, taking out his own paper bag.

"And what exactly do you mean by that?" I asked defensively, staring intently at him.

"Entertaining," he chuckled.

"It depends on the day," Alli interjected, taking a bite out of the meat loaf.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "So, what do you think of school so far?"

KC had gave a thoughtful look. "Okay, a little different then middle school but the classes are decent. You?"

"I agree, it is different but I like my classes so far," I smiled, before taking a sip from my juice box.

I was particularly excited for last period because it was an opened writer's craft course. I've always loved writing and being to able to have a course that strictly regards the essence of it makes me love it even more.

"Ewwww, "Alli's voice cut through my thoughts, and I looked at the mustard stain splattered on her top. "Ugh, why me? I'll be right back."

Alli scurried away from the table and I laughed slightly at her trying to remain calm, because I knew underneath she was going insane. Even if it was over a little stain.

"Look, I know it's none of my business but are you okay?" KC quietly asked, his voice soft. He looked hesitant but his expression was genuine.

I didn't know how to respond to this. It was nice that he cared but I didn't really want to talk about this with anyone, especially with someone I barely knew.

"Yeah, just a rough summer, but all better now!" I tried to shrug off with enthusiasm but even I could hear the discomfort in my own voice.

"You don't have to talk about it," KC assured, eating his lunch nonchalantly as if to dissolve the intensity the conversation was steering towards.

I looked at him in bewilderment. He was able to make things less uncomfortable for me just like that. I was slightly taken aback by the kind gesture but also very grateful for it.

"Thank you for understanding, but I'm starting to feel okay again," I sighed apathetically. "And I have no idea why I'm telling you this."

"Maybe you just need to make sure that people think you're okay when you really aren't," he offered. "I know what that's like."

I looked at him, and in that moment a silent understanding was formed. I've always been a little suspicious of KC ever since he became evasive over bringing up his parents but maybe it was because things weren't that great for him at home. I know what I went through this summer wouldn't be considered the end of the world but the understanding KC has makes me feel safe that I'm not the only one that puts up a charade sometime.

He smiled at me and I gladly smiled in return.


	11. Chapter 10: Big Day

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi**

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><p><strong>.<strong>

****_Chapter 10._

__.

_**Big Day.**_

Thankfully I found clear directions from a passing teacher in the hallway to my writer's craft class and was one of the first few in the class. I pulled out my pen and notebook, completely oblivious of the students piling in moments later. Some of them were tall and looked intimidating but I knew that this _was _an open class and should expect to see the different age groups. I wasn't scared or anything, I was here to learn more about writing, something that I wanted to be a part of my future. I can handle new people in order to achieve that.

I was suddenly alarmed when a familiar dark-haired boy took a seat in front of the class making my heart start to pound and my palms starting to sweat. I dropped my head down and pretended to write something, praying to God he didn't see me or wouldn't at all. What was I going to do? We'll be sharing this class together for five months, he was bound to see me at some point. But wasn't this what I wanted? To be alone with him so I could talk to him about yesterday.

But when I see him now, I just wanted to run away and avoid him forever. Also, if I did ask him what yesterday was about and he didn't tell me, I wouldn't be able to take another rejection from him.

_**RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!**_

A middle-aged woman appeared from a door at the front of the room. She set up her things and wrote on the board before putting her full attention towards us.

"Hello, I am Ms. Dawes and I am here to teach every one of you the art of writing," she said in an eloquent voice, using hand-gestures.

As she gave an introduction for the course, my mind couldn't keep up with her regulations. I found myself staring at the back of Eli's head every so often, and would scorn myself from doing so.

"Try to make it more obvious," a male voice whispered beside me, pulling me away from my reverie.

I whipped my head around, locking eyes with a blonde-haired, blue-eyed male. He was smiling in a teasing way that had me shocked and uncomfortable.

"Excuse me?" was all I could muster. "I don't know what-"

"You've been staring at that dark-haired kid for the past half hour, if you like him that much you should probably do something about it," he said matter-of-factly.

I was frozen. How could someone - who I've never met before - gather this much information of me looking at Eli? Did I have that look on my face? The one where girls stare after guys longingly? Was it the same look Eli gave Darcy before they dated? My stomach churned at the thought. And what business was it for this guy to tell me what to do?

"I'll have you know, you are-"

"Clare Edwards and Eli Goldsworthy."

"Huh?" I said out loud, dumbfound, looking at the front of the room.

All eyes turned towards me and my face grew hot with embarrassment. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Eli staring at me with blank, emotionless eyes. Ms. Dawes gave out a whole-hearted laugh that broke the tension.

"You and Eli will be writing partners this semester Miss Edwards," she said softly.

My eyes widened. "Umm… the whole semester?"

"Yes, of course!"

I looked tentatively towards Eli but he wasn't looking my way. He was probably dreading this just as much as I was. Someone snickered beside me and I glared at the blonde-haired boy that was able to turn my mood sour within minutes.

"Have fun lover-girl," the boy chuckled before leaving to the front of the room.

Ugh! Who was that guy? And why was it fun for him to bother _me_? I didn't have much time to think because seconds later Eli occupied the seat next to mine, erasing my raging thoughts for the other boy and replacing nervousness.

"What are we supposed to be doing?" I asked nervously, cursing myself from being distracted earlier.

Eli's eyes finally looked right at me, his brows narrowed slightly. "Find out stuff about your writer's partner and work on the first assignment."

"Oh, okay." I opened my notebook and poised my pen. "I'd say we already know each other enough for the first part, so why don't-"

"You sure about that," he interrupted, sounding slightly cold. "We haven't hung out together in a month and you kind of hate my guts so I'm not so sure we actually _know _each other, Clare."

His cold demeanour felt like whiplash to me and I didn't know how to respond. What was it with this guy? He was like hot one day and cold the next. I was tired putting up with his crap. He had a girlfriend, he didn't need to bother me anymore.

"We were best friends when we were kids," I defended.

"That you can't even remember!" he snapped lowly, but a few students still looked our way.

"What is your problem? You come to my house yesterday and want to fix things, then you lash out on me and apologize then leave," I said harshly. "Now you're snapping at me in the middle of class because we don't 'know' each other that well. What the heck do you want me to do? You're dating my sister, Eli. Don't expect me to fall at your feet still after everything that's happened."

Eli's eyes went slit, his jaw clenched. "No, but I should expect you moving on with some new kid right in front of my eyes, right?"

I was confused but becoming more angry. "Who are you talking about?"

"The Justin Bieber look-alike with the skateboard," he scoffed. "Never thought that would happen."

I wanted to punch him in the face. Why was he being so cruel? "I'm not dating KC and what does it matter to you anyways? After I professed my feelings for you, you threw me away and started dating _my sister._ I don't owe you anything."

His face dropped in surprise. "You're not dating… him?"

"No, but maybe I will in the future. I don't know because I am tired of putting up with you. I'm done with this Eli, okay? Screw you." I raised my hand, biting my tears. "Can I go to the bathroom, please?"

When Ms. Dawes nodded, I scurried from the room as fast as I could, letting my tears finally escape. I had no idea where the bathroom was, since this was the first day and I haven't been everywhere. But I had to leave the empty hallway some time because I didn't want to be seen crying or bumping into someone I didn't want to see.

"Clare, wait!" Eli's voice called from behind, making me cry even more.

I walked away faster but his arm caught onto mine and he stood in front of me. "Leave me alone. I don't want to speak to you."

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been such a dick back there," he said sincerely, trying to get me to look at him.

"When is this going to stop?" I blubbered, looking away. "Even if I was dating KC what does it matter to you?

"Because I…." he paused, and I finally looked up at him and his expression was filled with emotion. "I care about you, and I don't want some jerk to hurt you like I did. I want you to be happy, Clare."

"Happy? That sounds like a sick joke," I laughed humorously, stepping away from him. "Tell me what you're hiding from me. And yes, I mean yesterday. If we're going to be civil or even friends again I need you to be honest with me."

He had a conflicted look on his face, before looking down at the ground. "I messed things up with you, Clare. I don't want to do that again."

"Yesterday you said 'you couldn't let this happen again', not with me. What happened before," I asked quietly, wiping away my tears.

"That's exactly it," he sighed. "I don't want to hurt you again. Look, in the summer when you told me you had feelings for me, I didn't intend for things to go the way they did."

He was close to me now, holding onto my wrists and staring intensely into my eyes. My breath caught in my throat, my heart fluttering that familiar thumping I get every time he was near me. Well, at least before he broke my heart.

"Then what was your intention?" I asked shakily.

He still looked at me, not saying a word when he suddenly wrapped his arms around me, giving me a tight embrace. His face nuzzled in my hair and his heavy breathing gave me shivers.

"I just miss you," he breathed. "When we were close. Tell me you miss it too."

I didn't know what to do exactly. I think he was asking for another shot in the friendship department but I wasn't sure if I was ready for that. But I did miss him. So, so much. I knew when I asked him to tell me about yesterday, he didn't tell me the truth. At least not the whole truth. If we slowly become friends again than maybe he'll let me in. I could deal with that.

"I do," I whispered, wrapping my arms around him and burying my face in his shoulder.

He didn't realize how much.

.

.

"Since we survived our first day of high school, I say we go to the Dot for celebratory coffee!" Alli beamed.

"Sure, I'll just tell Darcy to tell dad I'll walk home later." I wasn't looking forward to that short encounter but I could deal with it. "KC do you wanna go?"

"Sorry girls, but I have to be home right away, maybe some other time." He wouldn't look at me as he took out his skateboard. "See you tomorrow."

I watched after him as he left out the doors, and thought of our first encounter in the park; how defensive he got when I brought up his parents. I guess everyone had their own little secret.

"So how was writer's craft?" Alli asked, as we sat on the main hall steps, waiting for Darcy.

"It was good. I think it'll turn out being really great," I smiled, feeling guilty for not telling her about Eli.

I knew if I did, she would be so upset and want to kill him. She told me before school started how happy she was to finally see me happy and forgetting about Eli. If I told her what happened yesterday and in class she would try to keep me away from him, and be disappointed in me. Also, I wouldn't want to burden her with my issues.

"How were your classes?" I asked, fixing the side of my glasses.

"Ehh, so, so but there are really cute boys," she smiled wide, clasping her hands together.

I rolled my eyes playfully. "Of course there was. You know you're not allowed to date though."

"Like that's gonna stop me," she shrugged. "Clare, boys are an important thing in a girl's life. Especially in high school, which are the years to experiment and find out more about yourself."

I was a little worried by how she worded that. "When you say 'experiment,' what exactly do you mean by that?"

"Calm down, Clare! Jeez, you make it sound like I'm gonna be a pregnant drug-addict," she laughed.

"Well, _experimenting_!" I retorted, but I knew Alli would never do that. "Just be careful if you do decide going after a boy. Learn from me, they're nothing but problems."

Alli wrapped her arm around my shoulder with a sympathetic look. "I know, but not all boys are like that, Clare. One day you'll find 'the one,' remember what I told you? You just have to wait."

I thought Eli was 'the one' and that didn't work out so well. What if that happens for every guy I meet later on in life? Not that I should care. A couple of months ago I didn't even care if I was going to get a boyfriend after high school. I still don't care… Things just change.

"Don't worry, because I don't care whether it not it will happen." I gave her a reassuring smile.

"It will, in due time my friend," she smiled, before her eyes narrowed slightly. "Umm, who's that with Darcy?"

I looked in her direction and my mouth dropped when I saw Darcy laughing with that jerk from my writer's craft class.

"Ugh, he's in my writer's craft class. He's so annoying!" I shook my head, sighing.

"Did he bother you?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'll be right back, then we'll leave, okay?" I stood up, my eyes still on the two and marched right up to them. "Darcy, I'm going to the Dot with Alli so tell dad I'll be walking home later please."

She looked taken aback, probably because I haven't spoken to her up front since our confrontation. The blonde-haired kid smiled knowingly at me, with slight confusion.

"Ah, so this is your sister," he said smugly.

Darcy looked flabbergasted. "Uh, Clare this is Peter. Peter this is-"

"We already met," I interrupted, glaring at him.

"Oh really? Do you have a class-"

"I'll see you later." I left before being sucked into a conversation I didn't want to have. "Alli you wanna go?"

She stood up quickly and we left down the school steps. My heart was racing once again and I didn't necessarily know why. Since when did Darcy and Peter know each other? It bothered me for some reason that Darcy seemed so friendly with this guy. Mostly because I wasn't too fond of him, but another part of me wondered if this 'friendship' would escalate. My mind was probably playing tricks on me, but what if it wasn't? Darcy wouldn't do that though. She had a boyfriend. She wouldn't do that to Eli.

"Everything okay?" Alli's voice dissolved my thoughts.

"Yeah. I told Darcy, now we can relax at the Dot," I smiled.


	12. Chapter 11: Moving On

**I was so surprised I was able to write this. I thought my motivation was gone... guess not... Thanks to whomever reads!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.**

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><p>.<p>

_Chapter 11._

_._

**Moving On.**

First week of school flew by quicker than I realized, and I found myself sitting on my bed finishing my homework on a Saturday night. School went better than I expected. I already have a good start on all my classes and Alli has been with me most of the time. KC also, which has been really great. I don't know if I could say the same for Eli and me. I mean we've been working on our first assignment but things have been slightly weird ever since our encounter in the hallway.

We would talk politely to each other and laugh every now and again when something funny came up but something was… off.

I thought he wanted things to go back to normal. I kind of did too, but I had a feeling we both didn't know how to do that. It's so frustrating! Why couldn't it be summer again? When I was just hanging out with him and no worries were in my mind(well except for the fact of falling for him). I guess we just needed to get rid of the elephant in the room but for some reason I didn't think that would happen until I mended things with Darcy.

The thought was unappealing to say the least, but if I was going to forgive Eli I had to do the same with Darcy. She was my sister and I hated to admit it, but I did miss how close we were. I miss when she brushed my hair and we would talk about her boy troubles. My stomach twisted at the thought of Darcy complaining to me about Eli. I don't think I was ready for that. Although, maybe I could be ready to talk to her for more than two minutes.

I closed my textbook and rose from my bed, before leaving my room and walking to Darcy's door. I took in a deep breath before knocking lowly but I didn't realize the door wasn't closed so it slipped open and I was gob smacked with Darcy and Peter sitting on her bedroom floor smiling at each other.

Their heads rose simultaneously at my intrusion.

"Oh- uh- I was…. Sorry!" I mumbled, my head down and turning around, closing the door behind me.

"Clare?" I heard Darcy say from behind the door but I was too frozen to respond.

I don't know why I was so embarrassed or freaked out; they weren't even doing anything wrong. Well that wasn't necessarily true. Darcy wasn't allowed to have boys in her room without mom and dad being home. And why was Peter here of all people? I only saw them together on the first day but are they friends? Darcy didn't usually have guy friends. She had _boyfriends._ I don't know I'm putting too much thought into it anyway, it's none of my business.

The door suddenly opened, and brought me out of my reverie. I spun around and Darcy looked at me with worried, and confused eyes. Her face was displaying different emotions each second.

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

My confidence to talk things out with her diminished, and how could I with Peter here? Now I was stuck and didn't know how to get out. All I could say was the first thing at the top of my head.

"Why is he here?" I demanded, but I still looked confused and flabbergasted. I could tell.

Darcy blushed, and her demeanour turned overtly embarrassed. "Oh, Peter? We were just working on school work."

My bitterness for her returned all of the sudden since I had the upper hand plus it was easier to still be mad than awkwardly ask for a truce. I gave her an arrogant look and crossed my arms.

"You know a boy isn't allowed to be in your room. Mom and dad aren't even home and the door is closed," I told her with a little more attitude than I should have.

She look affronted and her eyes kept shifting. "I know but Peter and I really needed to get our work done."

I cocked my head over her shoulder, with an eyebrow raised. "Doesn't seem like you're getting a lot of work done."

"We'll be done soon," she promised, as if I was mom. Then suddenly her face changed, and she looked at me with her eyes narrowed. "Why did you come to my room anyway?"

Now I was the one who was taken aback. My confident façade faded with each moment passing and my arms slouched and I couldn't meet her gaze. She didn't ask in a menacing way, rather curious and maybe hopeful? I didn't want to have this discussion right now because I lost my nerve and also having Peter here just made me more uncomfortable to talk about it.

"I… just wanted to asked if you… had an extra hair tie…. But I found my mine so never mind," I spewed, finishing the last line quickly because even I couldn't believe that lie. "I'm gonna get a drink and finish my homework."

She still looked confused but I made a beeline for downstairs before I was even more stuck in the awkward environment. I was able to breathe normally again, knowing I was alone and safe in the kitchen. I opened the fridge and took out the jug of water.

As soon as I took a nice sip, I heard footsteps coming down. I sighed heavily. Didn't Darcy not want to deal with our uncomfortable interactions either? I took another sip and turned around, ready to stand my ground but gulped my drink when I saw Peter standing across the counter table top that was set in the middle of the kitchen.

"Hey," he said, with a smile.

"Hi," I said more cautiously.

"Don't worry I'm not trying to bug you, I just wanted to get a snack." He held up his hands in defense.

"Okay." I eyed him suspiciously with my cup raised to my mouth, watching as he found some cookies.

He laughed when he looked at me. "Under surveillance I see. Doesn't surprise me."

"Why is that? It's not like you know me or anything." I narrowed my eyes, unknowingly testing him for reasons I'll never know.

"I know that your name is Clare," he said as if that solved everything. "And, you like writing!"

"Wow, I'm impressed. It's not like we have a class together, and that it may be about writing," I said sarcastically. I was surprised how different I was around him.

"I also know you haven't told emo boy you have the biggest crush on him," he said matter-of-factly.

The light mood suddenly dissolved, and any hint of smile that was on my face suddenly disappeared. I didn't want to go back to this. Let alone talk about it with this annoying person. I clutched my glass with my force than I intended and started to walk away.

"Wait," he called. "Wait, I'm sorry! I didn't think you'd be that upset over it."

I turned around, shooting him a glare. "You're annoying me. Why don't you just let it go?"

I feel like I've been repeating that phrase a million times since summer and I was getting sick of it.

He shrugged. "Maybe I wanna help."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why? You don't even know me. Listen I don't need your help because I don't like him. I don't care what you think, I know what's right in my mind!"

I was louder than I intended but I was beyond tolerating this anymore and having someone I didn't even know keep bringing it up when I had put those feelings for Eli to rest - _more like trying to tell myself I did _- it was getting exhausting for me. I almost felt like crying, but I wouldn't do that anymore.

"Yes, in your mind but not in mine," he smiled knowingly. "Don't worry I won't tell anyone, and if you don't want to do anything about it than I'll stop hounding you."

I felt slight relief and I didn't realize I was holding in a breath. I really needed to stop doing that…. _Wait a minute? _Rewind. I shook my head realizing that I hadn't brought up something vital that can finally shut this guy up and this time for good. I can't believe it even slipped my mind, I mean it was constantly on my mind all the time.

"Umm, there's no way Eli and I can ever be together anyways because he's already dating someone else," I blurted out.

He didn't look convinced. "Seriously? That must suck. Sorry to hear about that kid."

"Yeah, well finding out he's dating your sister isn't really the best the thing to hear but what are ya gonna do?" It was a rhetorical question so I hoped he wouldn't answer it.

He didn't. In fact he didn't say anything. I looked at him and his expression had completely changed. Gone was the amused expression and relaxed posture and replaced with empty eyes and stiff shoulders. He seemed to be out of it and it kind of freaked me out. I didn't know what to do. I thought of asking if he was okay but decided against it.

When he seemed out of his reverie, I nodded as a form of goodbye before climbing up the stairs. I didn't get why that was such news to him.

Whatever, it wasn't my concern.

.

.

"Oh my god."

"I can't even function right now."

"That's it?"

Alli and I both turned to KC, who was looking at the TV screen with a dumbfounded expression. We were both wiping away our tears and I knew I looked ridiculous but I didn't care. It was Sunday afternoon and I invited KC and Alli over to hang out. We decided to have a movie marathon and we just got through our first movie.

The Notebook.

"What do you mean, 'that's it'?!" Alli asked in exasperation. I almost laughed at the dark mascara smudges on her eyes. "That was so beautiful!"

"Did they die at the end?" he asked, still sounding very confused.

"_Yes!_"

He flinched. "Okay, okay! It was alright but now I want to watch something more… to my liking."

He stood up and rummaged through his backpack, and both Alli and I exchanged half-hearted glances. For some reason I felt really emotionally drained after this movie and all I wanted to do was sleep.

"I'll be back!" Alli jumped off the couch and ran upstairs. I knew she had to pee.

KC plopped back down beside me and I took the DVD case in my hands. "_The Basketball Diaries_. Leonardo DiCaprio, good choice."

"It's pretty sick and I think you might like it. Not so sure about Alli though," he laughed nervously.

I laughed along with him. KC has been sitting with Alli and I every lunch and we'd talk in the class we'd have together. He was a really fun guy but there was something missing. He doesn't really talk about himself. Well, he does but doesn't really go into detail. He talks about his interests and all that other stuff but he never once brought up his family or how things are at home for him.

I didn't want to pry but I just wanted to know if he was okay.

I did consider him as a friend. Even though someone kept hinting at any given chance they have that he was something more(coughAllicough). I didn't know KC that long and I didn't want to jump into anything without my heart fully healed and me knowing that this could work.

I wouldn't deny the fact that he was cute. His face was structured nice and I liked his brown eyes. He was pretty tall which I liked too. I didn't even know why. Suddenly I found myself staring and I couldn't help but trail down lower than his neck. I guess one can say he had a decent body…

_Jeez what am I saying?!_

I blinked and shook my head, turning my attention to the movie. From the corner of my eyes I could see KC staring and I swore I turned as red as a tomato. _Alli, please hurry. _

"So Clare how do you like the movie so far?" KC asked curiously.

"Good! Good!" I responded too quickly, my mind not even comprehending what was going on.

KC's laugh broke made me turn to him in alarm. "It hasn't even started yet."

I looked at the screen to see it was playing the main menu clips on repeat.

"Oh," I said lowly, slightly embarrassed. I rubbed my hands over my legs, suddenly feeling the tension in the room.

"Are you okay?" He sounded concerned.

"Yeah. Of course," I smiled, turning to him. "So how's everything going for you?"

"What do you mean exactly?"

I didn't mean to tred dangerous waters but I was all anxious and I wanted to get rid of the feeling. I just wanted to know more about KC, like maybe why he likes to skateboard so much or why does he always wear a hat on his head. I know those are trivial things but the small things usually make me interested.

His posture changed a bit, and stiffened up a bit. "Pretty good. Can't believe how much homework I got in the first week."

I kept my mouth shut about how he should have expected it because it was a higher learning environment but I didn't want to sound snotty. So I went along with him and nodded in agreement.

"My mom and dad were too. I don't think they got much back when they were in high school." I smiled, analyzing KC's response.

He gave a curt nod but it was more tense than mine was. "I don't know if my parents went to high school."

His face went white and his mouth clamped shut. I guess he shared something he wasn't supposed to because he looked really uncomfortable and I felt really bad all of the sudden. I had to think of something quick to change the subject.

"Do you think you can give me those skateboard lessons you brought up before? I'm really itching to get on the board." That sounded really weird but it worked because KC's posture relaxed.

"Really?" he asked in a soft voice.

I nodded. "Yeah. It should be fun, but I'm warning you now, major klutz over here."

"Well then we'll have _a lot _of work to do then," He put his hands behind his head and took on a lazy grin.

I hit his arm playfully. "Okay, fine but that means you have to learn to use the monkey bars."

"That doesn't seem too hard," he playfully scoffed.

"I assure you it is." I lifted my hands and wiggled them. "7 years of calloused fingers. But once you reach pro you'll feel accomplished."

We both laughed and suddenly Alli came in sight, and her oblivious expression turned devilish.

"Did I miss anything?" she directed at both of us.

"No," I shook my head.

KC shrugged and shook his head also. Alli gave me a look and I internally groaned to what was coming later. After that she settled down and we watched the movie. We watched four more movies before KC called it a day. He had a curfew anyways and he didn't want to break it. I understood and Alli and I waved goodbye as he skated down the driveway.

Alli didn't get to stay much longer either, since her parents wanted her home for a family get together. I was just narrowly able to avoid her remarks about KC. I expected a phone call later that night though. However, I didn't really mind because today was a good day. I had fun and I wanted everyday to be like this.

Everything from before - the bitterness and pain - I felt like it was finally leaving me, like I was able to deal with everyone and anything. And I was even able to not feel any pang when I heard Darcy talking sappy to Eli on the phone.

I was going to be okay. And I couldn't help but smile at the thought.


End file.
